Surviving Breast Cancer Through Community

I am Sharon Kidd, affectionately known as Daisy May. I am a 32-year-old Metastatic Breast Cancer Thriver! I am the mother of a beautiful, bold, and brilliant girl, Carter, and a loveable, lively, and loyal pup son, Rufus. I was diagnosed with Invasive Lobular Carcinoma stage three triple-negative breast cancer in September of 2019. At my diagnosis, I felt utterly heartbroken, afraid, and anxious. I looked to my community to uplift me during my time of need. And they did! My community consisted of my immediate family and a few close friends.

As I began treatment, my community evolved. I received most of my treatment at a small facility where the staff took pride in knowing their patients. They knew my name! They could identify me even with a mask on, which made going to treatment that much more manageable on the days that I did not feel my best. The treatment center believed in the continuity of care, which meant I was seen by the same nursing staff as much as possible.

My medical staff has become an essential part of my community. I formed relationships with the nursing staff, and it provided me with a sense of comfort to know that they cared about my well-being and quality of life. They worked hand in hand with me, my family, and the oncologist to ensure that I got the best medical treatment possible.

Just as I would keep my non-medical network abreast of what was happening medically, I would keep my medical team abreast of what was happening in my life personally. The staff would have the correct information to make the appropriate decisions regarding treatment dates so I would have the best quality of life.

To keep my network informed without making over 20 calls daily, I began to blog about my experience on social media. I wanted my support system to be included in this journey so they could keep me motivated to push through my emotional and physical despair at times. Most importantly, I wanted to share my story so other cancer survivors and thrivers would not feel alone in their cancer journey.

We need others to survive, whether battling a life-threatening disease or managing typical life problems. When living with a challenging situation or fighting a serious health battle, having a supportive community increases hope, decreases stress, and allows you to ask for help with tasks and errands.

Being a “Strong Black Woman” made it hard to let my supporters know that I needed help and even harder to ask them for support initially. I received many “I’m here if you need me” and “let me know if you need anything” messages, but I was reluctant to respond, even though they came from people in my supportive community.

After my mastectomy, which was completed on my dominant side, I was more willing to accept the help my community was offering. I had no choice.

The healing process was a humbling experience for me since I was so used to living independently and doing everything on my own for the most part. Being physically unable to complete many routine household tasks forced me to lean into the discomfort of asking for and receiving help. Ultimately, asking for help had multiple benefits. I would get some chores done and have the opportunity to spend time with loved ones catching up. Talking with my support community helped me process thoughts and ideas that were on my mind at the time.

In some cases, my supporters could not relate or empathize because they had not lived the experience, but speaking these thoughts was therapeutic. I was able to release my thoughts healthily. As the conversations increased, I longed for a community that understood the current me. I longed for a community that understood my past experiences and the recent experience I was living at that moment.

Finding My Breast Cancer “Family”

I created “Thriving IV Life,” an online blog that I share on Instagram and Facebook to disclose my raw, honest, and uncensored cancer journey. This blog revealed the good, harmful, and disturbing side effects of Metastatic Breast Cancer and the multiple treatments I received.

Survivors messaged me privately to say thanks for being brave and telling my story. I received messages that asked me about specific topics such as parenting, neuropathy, lymphedema, and fatigue. I felt that I was a breast cancer resource for those recently diagnosed, even though I was barely a year into this journey. I received so much support from complete strangers. What meant the most to me was sharing space with a community of individuals who knew exactly what I was saying when I shared my symptoms and did not try to comfort me with toxic positivity.

My immediate family and close friends support me as best as they know-how; however, they have not lived through a cancer experience, so they cannot relate entirely to me. While they can sympathize with me, they cannot empathize with me. They do not know how it feels to have chemo brain, neuropathy, or severe hot flashes. Most importantly, they do not know the mental and emotional strength it takes to rebuild your self-esteem after having a mastectomy without reconstruction. It is so easy for others to use toxic positive phrases during tough situations such as “It could be worse,” “everything happens for a reason,” “God would not give you more than you can bear,” and “everything will work out in the end” to name a few.

Sometimes it is best just to share space with a cancer survivor if you do not know what to do or say. It is better to acknowledge and validate our feelings. Some things you can say include “describe what you are feeling, I’m listening,” this sucks, I’m so sorry you’re going through this,” and “I see you. I’m here for you”. Sometimes, we-cancer thrivers- are not looking for answers or advice; we are only looking to be seen, heard, and validated.

Looking for a community that truly understood the new me, I searched for in-person and local support groups. I found an organization that hosted a class that my child and I could attend together but, we were the only people of color and the youngest participants in our respective groups. We participated in the group for a few months, and I chose to stop attending because we did not have anything else in common other than having cancer. Building a community in an all-cancer support group was challenging because our experiences were not the same.

While searching the internet for a breast cancer specific support group, I found the For the Breast of Us (FTBOU) Instagram account for women of color affected by breast cancer. As I scrolled through their list of followers, my eyes began to water. I was shocked to see that I was not the only young person of color affected by breast cancer. We all are a part of this community that we did not choose to join; still, I found joy in knowing that I was not as alone as I initially felt. Despite meeting these women on the internet, I felt connected to them- they understood me and what I was dealing with. Even through messages, their concern for my well-being did not get lost in translation.

FTBOU is a necessary resource because they uplift and amplify the voices of women of color affected by breast cancer. The founders, Marissa and Jasmine, also survivors, are genuinely concerned for other women of color affected by breast cancer. They are working tirelessly to reduce systemic health disparities, increase awareness and increase participation in clinical trials, create digital content for the representation of women of color and fight for legislative change to improve benefits and experiences for breast cancer patients nationally. FTBOU also partners with many other organizations committed to supporting cancer thrivers of all stages.

I followed FTBOU for a year before I applied to become an ambassador. During the first year, I observed their page content and saw it was geared towards how cancer affects survivors, which resonated with me. They also posted about issues that I did not or had not faced on my journey. I applied to be a Baddie Ambassador because I wanted to be a part of the change that I wanted to see.

As a Metastatic Breast Cancer Thriver, I want to help advocate for women or men who will have to fight this battle. It is essential to share my story and encourage others to complete self-breast exams monthly and advocate for mammograms before turning 40.

I am SO glad you are here! I started sharing my experience on Instagram, and I quickly realized that many other women felt similarly to me. Together we have created a fantastic community online! I am so grateful to know all of my new virtual friends. Over the last year, I have learned so much about who I am, breast cancer treatments, and what it means to share community. I am grateful to have such a fantastic community of strong people to share affirmations, tips, and strategies.

Community is defined as a feeling of fellowship with others due to sharing common attitudes, interests, and goals. Throughout my 2-year cancer journey, I have had the opportunity to join several amazing communities, in-person and virtually, near and far. Everyone who has positively influenced me and whom I have positively impacted is a part of my forever community.