When first diagnosed in February 2011, I was scared, upset, confused…couldn’t quite understand why at the age of 31 I had breast cancer.

My initial thoughts were I am going to die and what would happen to my daughter Laila. I was devastated and my spirit was broken. I had a double mastectomy, followed by chemotherapy, radiation and the hormone-therapy pill tamoxifen.

During my journey, I was unable to find an organization that specifically catered to young women. I felt a void and through my many tears, my purpose was revealed. Together with my friend, we founded the non-profit breast cancer organization Pink S.H.O.E.S., Inc. (acronym for Strength. Hope. Optimism. Endurance. Survival). Our mission is assisting women battling breast cancer with financial assistance, spa gift certificates, wig purchases, thanksgiving meals and Christmas gifts to their children. We take pride in the fact we help real women in real life.

Life was going well. I was healthy, living my best life, the organization was making a difference in the lives of women we were helping and then, BOOM…four days shy of my seven year cancerversary, in February 2018, I was diagnosed with breast cancer for the second time.

Same breast, same cancer.

Although, I previously had a double mastectomy, chemotherapy, radiation and was on hormone therapy pills for the initial diagnosis, here I was seven years later, having another surgery and doing chemotherapy and radiation all over again.

I was pissed.

I lost my passion to serve others, more so because how could I be of any help to others, when I was a mess myself. I got to a point where I didn’t want to be involved in the breast cancer community. I didn’t want to be anyone’s source of inspiration or strength. I wanted to stop the organization and stop assisting other women.

I just wanted to be “La” with no association to breast cancer.

During my second diagnosis, I kinda coined the phrase “Surviving N’ Shit.” It’s what I do everyday. “?????????” breast cancer two times. “?’ ????,” the anxiety, daily aches and pains from my medication, running the non-profit, working full time, being a wife, mom…and ????? trying to live my best life.