Originally published in Wildfire Magazine, The Social Issue December 2019/ January 2020
Healing is not linear.
It is filled with feelings of loss, sadness, empowerment and joy. Some days are good, others come with challenges. Having a community to lean on can make a substantial difference in a healing journey. For so many of us in the cancer community, establishing connections with other survivors and thrivers has been a key piece in our ability to heal. We lean on one another and we learn from one another.
This month we are highlighting the stories of one group of survivors that bonded together. According to group member Jenny Leyh, “Our group lives in different parts of the country and have varying backgrounds. Although many of us initially connected on social media, we had the opportunity to first meet at the Young Survival Coalition’s (YSC) annual summit in Orlando in 2018. We are bonded by the shared experience of cancer and we share everything with each other. We laugh, we cry, we are shoulders to lean on and friends to celebrate with. We empower one another and we are there for one another no matter what.”
“Initiation sucks, but sisterhood is forever.”
Coming into this new world of cancer diagnosis was scary.
With so many resources and social media outlets you know you’re not alone but still I felt isolated, nervous and mad. All of a sudden every other word I heard on TV, radio and in conversation was cancer! So many people have been touched by this disease but if I felt tired of hearing about it, I could only imagine how my “non cancer” friends felt. I was lucky to have made some connections; “friends with benefits,” cancer friends (god, that sounds awful). I’m so grateful I did. I went to my first breast cancer conference where I saw women from all walks of life just gravitate to one another. We were all alone, but we were all together! It was magical. I was in a place where I didn’t have to explain what this rubber thing popping out of my shirt was; a breast prosthetic. I was surrounded by women who knew what I was going through without having to explain what the differences were between radiation and chemotherapy. Together, a group of 11 women found strength, support and understanding in one another. We looked like a gang walking through those halls, a gang of nice girls though; #YouCanSitWithUs and jokingly nicknamed ourselves as The Breastie Girl Gang. The love I have for these women is deep, a life long friendship. Ladies, find a tribe, an all inclusive tribe of women who understand and with open hearts, will listen and talk with you. I have found this, and for that I’m grateful.
Tifanie Morataya, 35 Diagnosed at three weeks pregnant. Triple Negative.
I don’t know what I would do without my tribe. Finding a group of women that can relate to life during/after cancer has been a blessing. They help me keep my sanity on the days that I need to vent. We are all so different and bring something unique to the table. I feel supported and loved, and that makes all the difference when you are dealing with a diagnosis like cancer!
Myra Camino, 37 and 38 Case manager for Big Brothers Big Sisters Pembroke Pines, FL. First IDC, stage III, then stage IV, ER+, PR+.
You don’t meet many people who are diagnosed with breast cancer at a young age—especially with no family history. After getting diagnosed at 35, I felt scared, alone and lost. My closest friends were there for me, but they didn’t truly get what I was going through. When I arrived in Austin and met this incredible group of women, who not only welcomed me with open arms but also knew to the core what I was going through, I finally felt I was no longer alone. I was now part of this club that none of us wanted to join, but we all have each other. Being part of this group of women has allowed me to grow in ways I never thought possible, and for that I’ll always be grateful.
Sarah Ramirez, 35
When I was initially diagnosed with breast cancer I was pregnant and felt so alone. My whole world felt like it had come to a crashing halt—how could I have breast cancer at such a young age, let alone be pregnant when diagnosed? My friends and family were a great source of support but I needed support from a community who understood the unique challenges of being young and having breast cancer. I began to share my story on Instagram because it was therapeutic and I quickly found that other women were doing the same thing. When I attended YSC’s annual summit in 2018 I was able to meet several women with whom I had connected online. We quickly formed a bond and started communicating through a group text. We can talk about everything from our fears to our families, our triumphs, careers and tips on how to deal with side effects from various treatments. I feel incredibly grateful to have connected with these women. Although cancer was a very dark period in my life, the friendships I have gained have been a silver lining.
Jenny Leyh, 33 Freelance writer, stay at home mom. Haddon Heights, NJ. Diagnosed at 28 weeks pregnant. IDC, stage IIb, grade 3, Triple Negative.
My son had turned one when I felt my lump. After treatment and my surgeries I moved to Florida just me and my two kids. In February of 2018, I went to YSC conference in Orlando, Florida and met a group of wonderful and strong women. I went to the conference to connect with women who get it and little did I know I had gained a group of breasties/sisters for life. We kept in contact within the next year and met up again in Texas. This group has allowed me to be completely transparent because this group of ladies get it. After a while people think you have survived and moved on with your life but that is so far from the truth. I’m so blessed to have this special group of women.
Erika Tejeda, 33 Triple Negative.
Life after breast cancer is an adjustment process and it feels as if I’m always in survival mode. While the process is hard, having a strong support group of like-minded women has been key to my survivorship. I feel like I have my own group of therapists on speed dial/text 24/7. We are open to all topics, respect each other, cry and laugh, share deep intimate aspects of our lives. Every woman in the group has dealt with a different diagnoses, treatment plans, and we all come from different backgrounds. I have the utmost respect for our group as they have pulled me out of my darkest of days and have helped me become the advocate I am today. My life has changed physically, spiritually, and mentally. Every day is a new day and I am alive. I am grateful for my sisterhood.
Carolina Capelan, 44 Event planner, photographer, Ft. Lauderdale, FL. DCIS/IDC, stage IIb, ER+, PR+.
As a newly diagnosed single mother of two children under the age of 10, I was scared and alone. I created a new Instagram account named, Portraits of Cancer. The account become my cancer voice, a place to load things off my chest (no pun intended)! Through social media I became friends with other women going though breast cancer. I started to feel less alone. I found YSC and signed up to go to their yearly summit and posted that I was attending. I few women reached out to me saying they were going too. Again, I felt less alone. Once at the conference, I started to see familiar Instagram faces. And by pure chance, a few of these lovely ladies and I sat near each other at the hotel pool and REALLY clicked. Not just polite conversation, but automatic real and deep connections. I was blown away by the feelings of connectivity and kind-heartedness from this encounter. And just like that, the Breastie Girl Gang was born. A place where we care, don’t judge, and support each other. We share the good, the bad, and the funny. It helped me thrive in a time of pain.
Maria Davalos, 41 HR Benefits Specialist, Middletown, CT. IDC and DCIS, stage I, ER+, PR+.
I was feeling a bit low at my first YSC summit. I had just started navigating post-treatment life and I was away in Orlando, surrounded by people who knew what I was going through. It should have been easy to make friends, but everyone already seemed to have their cliques, and I felt like I was just hovering around the periphery. One afternoon at the pool, I met the girls who would become the “Breastie Girl Gang” and everything changed. Immediately, there was a sense of community, of friendship borne out of a painful experience. I would love to say it all came together organically and serendipitously, but it was the opposite of that, and that’s what’s special about it. We made an effort. We tried to create a space for everyone. The girl gang started with a few, but it never felt exclusive. There is room for everyone.
Kara Smythe, 31 OB/GYN Physician. Bangor, Maine. IDC, stage IIb, Triple Positive.
Our stories are all so different and yet we’re all the same. I came into this experience wanting answers. Wanting to heal. Wanting to know what I needed to do to live my life after cancer. Our chats are so therapeutic and listening to the stories of these women has inspired me. Mothers, wives, sisters, survivors, THRIVERS! We all continue to shine despite how cancer has tried to dull our sparkle.
Sheliza Naraine, 29 Special education assistant. stage II, ER+, PR+.
You know that friend who is always there for you, you might not talk everyday but when you do whether it has been a day or a year since you last spoke you pick right up where you left off, you get the feeling, like home? That’s the BGG, 11 friends to pick you up and love you, 11 friends to make you feel home.
Andrea Liliana Griffiths, 35 Community support at GitHub, Lakewood Ranch, FL. ILC, stage III, ER+, PR+.
