The best way to support me is to not cast judgment upon me.

A cancer diagnosis is enough to wrap one’s mind around. I need your support, but that means walking alongside me and holding me up when moving forward is challenging. It doesn’t mean guiding my every move. I’ve got tough decisions to make, and while I may want an ear to listen and help me think through my options, I want support for whatever route I choose to go in my pursuit of healing.

Cancer treatment isn’t the only thing I’ll require support and no judgment in regards to. I’ll experience side effects and have to determine the best ways to cope with them, and sometimes that means quitting a treatment course altogether.

As usual, I’ll also be making life choices because life goes on despite a cancer diagnosis. I may realize I have some other “cancers” in my life, from toxic relationships to habits that don’t serve me. Cancer has a way of exposing such things and nudging you to do what needs to be done, no matter how painful. However much you struggle to understand the choices and changes I make, whatever it may be – please don’t judge me.

The hypothetical “What would you do if you only had 24 hours to live?” question feels closer to reality for me. I try to stuff as much life into my years as possible. I know you want to give me the advice you’d give anyone else – to slow down, be mindful, plan, save, and focus on healing. I don’t want to hear that. I want you to recognize that I am grieving and moving forward all at once because I have no choice.

I want you rooting for me from the stands as I run my race as best I can. I want your support in the form of hands to hold, ears to listen, and genuine happiness for me as I live my version of my best life with whatever time I have.