For most of my life, I have made decisions considering others before thinking of myself.
I’ve always stretched myself thin trying to make it to this event, helping a friend with a task, overcommitting to something at work. I was raised in a family that taught me to be of service to others, but I failed to learn I needed to be of service to myself first.
For some strange reason, putting myself first seems selfish. Crazy right?
It wasn’t until my aunt passed that I realized I have to put myself first. She was also a selfless person who, until a few weeks before she passed, helped others in need while she was fighting her own battle with cancer. As honorable as it may sound, I’m still very angry and upset that she is gone. For years, she was not well and remained in the care of doctors who were unable to restore her health. One of my last conversations with her with tears in my eyes was of me begging her to get a second opinion from a medical team in a nearby city. She rubbed my back while trying to console me and said, “I’ll be okay.”
I’m not certain, but I feel she made the decision not to get a second opinion because she didn’t want anyone to go out of their way to help her….putting herself last.
Rewinding to a visit with my oncologist, he suggested I go to counseling to address why I wasn’t losing weight. He said, “Everything I’ve asked you to do, you have done except for losing weight. You need to dig deep and find out what that’s about.” It’s been several years since we had that conversation and I weigh the same today as I did the day he addressed it.
The difference is that I began to lose the weight of others and started to find myself.
I ended a dead-end 5-year relationship. I pulled away from people who drained my energy and I left a job that caused me stress and left me feeling undervalued.
I finally began to put myself first.
After the passing of my aunt, I decided to get serious about losing weight. Since January, I have been working out at least three times a week doing high-intensity training. When I started, I had to take several breaks and modify the exercises because I was in no shape to do them. It’s been three months since I started and I’m stronger and able to do most workouts without modification. I can do hard things!
How much weight have I lost? Maybe four pounds. Is that frustrating? Eh… not really. Why?
Because I’m gaining so much more by investing in myself.
I still have work to do and many more miles before I sleep. I’m in healthy relationships with friends and family. I work in an amazing place that doesn’t cause any stress and I’m finally learning to eat to live and not live to eat. After years of trying, I’m finally here!
Now let’s see how this story ends! To be continued…
