I almost didn’t do it!
I almost passed up the opportunity to get reconstruction after having a single right breast mastectomy in 2008. I lived my life with one breast for four years and it was the most insecure four years of my life!
The most painful memory I have from that time in my life was a girls trip I took to Jamaica in 2009. Hanging around with my friends of many years who could never truly understand my new normal and the drastic physical changes I was still trying to cope with.
As they wore their “normal” sexy bathing suits and beautiful low-cut outfits showing a little cleavage, I on the other hand, was dressed like grandma Suzie in my special bathing suit I got from the mastectomy boutique, which had a built-in pocket to hold my one swim prostheses.
They were pretty nice bathing suits considering who they were designed for, but I did not feel sexy at all. Especially if I bent over the wrong way, you could clearly see that something was wrong, not seeing the bulge of two breasts but rather one; having one side a lot darker than the other due to radiation, and some of the most hideous scars that were still healing.
I felt out of place, unattractive, and for the first time, I hated being on vacation around my friends.
In 2012, I had a biopsy on the one breast I had left. At that point, I decided to do a prophylactic mastectomy and reconstruction to avoid any chance of a second diagnosis. I remember tearfully asking my plastic surgeon to please just make me look “normal” again. He came highly recommended by my Soror/breast surgeon.
When I woke up from that procedure with the tissue expanders and looked down, I had two matching breasts that brought an overwhelming amount of tears to my eyes. Even though they were a size A cup for starters, it gave me such a real sense of normalcy that I appreciated so much!
By the time I got my permanent implants, I was a beautiful boobalicious size C cup! They are more voluptuous than my real breasts that I’d lost and now you cannot tell me anything!
By my next vacation with the girls in 2013, I picked out normal bathing suits and it went from “bye-bye grandma Suzie” to “who are you?” My confidence went from zero to bad ass! I just could not stop looking at them and how much I felt like a whole woman again.
I invested in myself self-esteem by changing my entire wardrobe and style to showcase my new “Mama Sangas.”
I primarily get my bathing suits from Target and the styles I’m especially drawn to are bikinis that have great side boob coverage that hides my scars. And of course bikini tops that give me cleavage because my plastic surgeon did a great of a job making sure I got my wish of looking normal.
I no longer feel self-conscious going to the beach or wearing sexy clothing and the best thing of all, I never have to worry about saggy boobs.
