I watched as one of my fellow Living Beyond Breast Cancer Young Advocates poured her heart out about the disconnect she felt with her body and how she thought her husband got the short end of the stick.

Her. Me. Same.

But when the expert panelist responded to her with, “Yeah, but while your body may be different, you’re still the same person on the inside, right?” I realized something about myself.

I don’t know if that statement is true for my friend, but for me, that logic is absolutely wrong.

I am not the woman I was before.

I don’t look like her, feel like her, think like her — nothing.

Most days, I don’t remember what life before cancer was like besides the fact I didn’t dehydrate at the drop of a dime.

All I know is the woman I used to be died the day of my bi-lateral mastectomy.

She was rolled into the operating room, literally shaking in fear, thinking of how she would explain to God why she’d played small all her life if she died during surgery.

The last thing she remembers is the hands of a nurse cupping her cheeks, reassuring her everything would be okay. And if you ask me, considering the circumstances, that’s a great way to go.

A different woman emerged that day; a sleeping giant if you will.

I had no idea how strong I could be until I was humbled an accepted help from my friends and my family when all I wanted to do was take care of myself.

I had no idea how brave I could be until I asked for second (and third) opinions for my treatment plan and advocated for myself in a world that teaches us to accept everything a doctor tells us.

I had no idea how determined I could be until I fought to regain mobility in my arms, after not being able to do simple things by myself, like shower or wash my face.

I had no idea how much my breast reconstruction journey would force me to redefine beauty for myself and truly teach me the meaning of grace.

I had no idea how powerful I could be until I joined forces with another survivor and launched the first website dedicated to sharing stories and imagery of women of color affected by breast cancer.

No, I am not the woman I was before, but the woman I am today shines the way God always intended for me to shine. And I am not sad at all that part of me had to die, so a greater me could emerge.

One thing the expert panelist said will probably stick with me forever and it was “You have the power to redefine how you see yourself.”

That, my friend, is absolutely right.