In just a few days I was suddenly making some of the biggest decisions of my life!

From the day I was first told, “You have breast cancer” to the day I decided to have a double mastectomy was very short. My usual daily routines were all interrupted with endless doctor visits and scans. I remember one day being at the breast center for the entire day, starting with a biopsy and ending with a breast MRI with numerous other tests in between!

Should I have a lumpectomy with radiation or a mastectomy? A single or double mastectomy? Reconstruction? Did I make the right choice?

I talked with my husband and prayed I would make the right decision. I changed my mind like the wind. Finally, after a few days I felt confident with my decision to have a double mastectomy.

Why you might ask? My pathology report after surgery showed a bigger, more aggressive tumor that had been missed.

This is good and bad news. Good they found it early, bad because now I needed chemo and Herceptin infusions for a year!!!

Devastating!

I finished everything June 2018, fast forward a year to the present day. My scars still show but have faded, my energy is back and thankfully all of my hair!

My body looks different and my breasts are perkier but they have no feeling at all. When my plastic surgeon mentioned this would happen, it didn’t seem like that big of a deal.

Sadly, I was wrong.

Your breasts play a huge part in your sexuality. It felt good to have them touched, kissed. It turned me on and now…nothing.

Only recently did I even allow my husband to see them or even touch them. It’s pretty upsetting when something you enjoyed is completely gone. It’s been an adjustment for both me and my husband; does he ignore them just because I can’t feel them? We don’t know that answer yet.

Do I regret my decision?

NO!

I wanted to do what gave me the best chance of not having the cancer return. I wanted my breasts to look good and I like the way they look now. At first, they felt heavy and not a part of me but with time they have felt like they belong.

I just didn’t realize what having no feeling in my breasts would actually feel like, it feels like… nothing.