Hold the pink boxing gloves and fatigues.

The moment I received my breast cancer diagnosis, I immediately went into battle mode. I was determined to fight. I was 28 years old and uncertain about what lie ahead, but I knew I was resilient, and cancer would not take me out. Chemo… check. Bilateral mastectomy… check. Reconstruction… check. I was so busy checking off all the boxes and racing toward the finish line that I never stopped and thought about what things would look like once I reached it.

People rarely talk about what happens after you ring the bell, the port comes out and the doctors’ visits slow down. I hadn’t thought about what being a survivor meant. I didn’t consider all the ways the experience of cancer had changed me, both physically and mentally. I had imagined the clouds parting; the sun shining bright, with the birds singing as I skipped into the sunlit path with the dark cloud of my cancer diagnosis far behind me. It sounds good, but the reality is, it’s all a process.

I became consumed with reading up on how to prevent a recurrence, what I should or shouldn’t eat, how much I should work out, and finally… I had to take a step back. I did not survive cancer to let stress consume me.

As cute as the Destiny’s Child “Survivor” video is, sis, I survived so I could fold up the fatigues and just live. I had to find ways to check out of survival mode and embrace being a survivor. After spending well over a year literally fighting for my life, I didn’t want to see another pair of pink boxing gloves or wear another piece of army fatigue.

It took some time for me to figure out the best way to navigate being a survivor. It’s an ongoing process and there’s no right or wrong way to navigate this space, but here are a few things I’ve learned:

• Give Yourself Time to Process: One thing I realized once I completed active treatment is that I spent so much time pushing through that I hadn’t given myself time to really process everything that happened. It’s important to take time out to sit with how you’re feeling and all the changes you’ve gone through, both physically and mentally.
• Put Your Oxygen Mask on First: Once I finished treatment, I felt like I wanted to rush back into the “fire” and save others still in the fight. I have leaned into advocacy, but it wasn’t an overnight process. I made the mistake of trying to jump out too soon before I had a chance to first do the necessary healing work for myself.
• Advocacy is Not Linear: There’s often pressure on those who have survived cancer to dive into advocacy work. While that’s the path that quite a few people choose, it’s also fine to not be “involved.” Many times, there’s hesitation because people view advocacy as speaking, being active on social media, and writing books and blogs. However, advocacy is NOT linear. You can have an impact just by sharing your story with someone who was recently diagnosed or reminding your family and friends to do their self-exams. Remember, advocacy is not always a roar, sometimes it’s a gentle whisper.
• Celebrate Life: Battling cancer is no small feat, and it served as a reminder for me to be more present and celebrate every moment. Don’t wait for a ‘special occasion’ to celebrate. Every day you wake up is reason enough to revel in the fact that you’re still here.
• Stay Vigilant: Since my diagnosis, I have been very intentional in learning as much as I can about breast cancer. During treatment, there were many times when I felt powerless, and it has been my goal post-treatment to ensure that I am empowered to speak up for myself and be a true partner with my medical team to determine what’s best concerning my care. As a survivor, it’s important to be vigilant and proactive for your health.

The most important lesson I’ve learned in being a breast cancer survivor is that I can do things on my terms and define what survivorship looks like for me. I’ve learned to navigate this space in a way that allows me room to both grow and grieve, help others while helping myself, and revel in the gift of being here to do it all.