I’ve always been a Type A personality.

I’m the planner in my family.

I’m the crazy one who uses a spreadsheet to plan family vacations that include everything from travel info to meals and activities.

As 2020 was approaching, I was planning out the year. I turned 50 in September 2020 and I had plans to celebrate every month.

I had trips planned.

I was going to a food show in Arizona, trips to Disney World and Vegas were scheduled, and I had a big family cruise in the summer on my calendar. We had even narrowed down our matching family t-shirts. And of course, I was planning my big birthday bash.

I was diagnosed with breast cancer in January 2020.

And while that shook me to my core, I met with oncologists, surgeons, etc., and had my care plan in place. After, I sat down to figure out how I could still do the things I planned to celebrate my upcoming birthday.

Then, the pandemic took over the world.

I felt like everything was being taken from me — my health, my breast, my plans. For the first time in my life, I felt like things were out of control and there was nothing I could do to get them on track.

I started to feel like I was constantly on the verge of a panic attack. I felt sad, angry, and unsure of my direction all at the same time. It was something I wasn’t used to. It was then that I started to research how to gain some type of control over my feelings.

Things that I found helped me:

• Keeping a gratitude notebook

Writing at least three things down that I’m grateful for every day. Honestly, there were some days I couldn’t think of anything and instead of beating myself up about it, I just skipped days.

• Journaling

Not every day, but every day I needed to get thoughts out of my head.

• Listening to music that makes me happy.

My two favorites on Pandora are Heavenly Day Radio and Happy Radio.

• Meditating

I started using various apps to sit still and clear my mind each day. This also came in handy when I began my radiation treatment. I meditated in exam rooms as I waited and any time I found myself alone.

• Yoga

I found that yoga helped me, not just physically, but mentally.

• Prayer

I wouldn’t call myself religious, but I am spiritual and believe in God. Prayer helped calm me each night before bed.

I also realized I don’t have to be in charge of everything.

My husband, sister, and son took overdoing things I normally would handle. I realized letting others do things wasn’t the end of the world.

While 2020 wasn’t the year I planned, it was a year filled with moments of joy.

I still celebrated my 50th birthday, just in a different way. While I didn’t do all the traveling I planned, I connected with people differently.

I can’t say I’m grateful for breast cancer, but I am grateful for the lessons I’ve learned along the way.