#STIDCERPRPHERTNBC

I am strongly considering putting this on my next dating profile. I want to use it as a means to initiate conversation. I am curious to see what potential dates come up with when they see it. I am sure they will probably think it is something cool or funny.

Dating post-breast cancer in the 21st century can be an extreme hit or miss. The fact is, you still have to deal with all of the “normal games” that people play.

• I am from blah blah.
• I am a blah blah at blah blah organization.
• I am looking for the following blah blah.
• These are my deal-breakers. Blah blah blah.
• I like blah and blah about you.
• Sure, I will meet you for blah.
• We have been dating for a few months, and I enjoyed blah blah blah.
• This isn’t going to work for me because of blah blah blah.
• Rinse. Repeat with a new person.

This dating game is for the birds. It is a cycle of temporary enjoyment with walls to protect yourself from potential fallout. At the same time, your fingers are crossed, and prayers have been sent up, hoping and wishing. ????‍♀️?

Breast cancer adds another hurdle to the dating equation for all of us who have been affected by it.

The hurdle of explaining any facet of your breast cancer experience to any person can be overwhelming. So it’s unfortunate that we should have to add anything about this horrible disease to the “getting to know me” period.

I know many of my breast cancer sisters may choose to wait to disclose this information. They wait until a couple of dates or after “x number” of days of dating.

Preferences. It comes down to preferences. I prefer to put it out there from the beginning. In my opinion, it weeds out the men who I shouldn’t even waste my time on. But that’s me. I’m upfront and direct. In my opinion, it is necessary to connect with my person.

Within my first conversation, I’m sharing that I’m a thriver, bald, and very involved in the breast cancer community. Most will say, “Congratulations, but I don’t want to date someone who has or had cancer.” And I think we can all spot (and run away from) the ones who fetishize breast cancer. ✌?????‍♀️

A select few will want to know more about me, beyond breast cancer. Those are the ones that I will give some time to and agree to a meet-up over food and drinks. At my age and this point in my life, I have to connect with someone I would want as a friend. Someone with a sense of humor who discusses essential issues and is open to talking about nothing. That is my type of man.

My girls will tell you that I have a list of questions that I ask sporadically throughout conversations. If a guy takes the time to answer questions, that’s a plus for him in my book.

Questions I Like to Ask on a Date

“What was the last thing that you did for the first time?” His answer tells me something about him as a person. He either does something I may enjoy doing, something I’ve always wanted to do, or something I would never want to do.

“What are three go-to songs when you: (1) want to get hype, (2) feeling down, (3) forever fave and can listen to whenever?” The responses will let me know what type of music he likes and how music speaks to him.

A few more questions that I ask:

• What are your most compulsive habits?
• Everyone gets on a dating app for different reasons. Why did you join?
• How do you handle stress, frustration, disappointments in your life?

I highly recommend that you take the time to do the necessary mental health work on yourself. You should deal with the remnants of cancer that have taken a toll on your self-esteem. Deal with the anger, depression, loss of friendships or relationships, physical changes, childhood traumas, and anything else that has reared its ugly head.

Figure out what you want right now. Do you just want to date, or are you open to a relationship? Make sure your next date aligns with where you are and where you want to go.

I strongly encourage anyone out here dating (online, in person, or a combination of both) to ask as many questions that you feel you need to until you feel comfortable enough to be you. UNEQUIVOCALLY YOU. Be yourself, through and through. If they can’t take you as you are, tell them to walk the hell away because they are not the person for you. Decide to date when you’re ready. And when to discuss your breast cancer when you are comfortable.

After cancer and at 42 years, attraction is important, but I care far more about someone’s personality, drive, mental health, consistency, and overall good heart. I need someone who rides with me, no matter what life throws at me next. Me? I am open to meeting my person. I don’t want anything casual. So, if we don’t vibe and see the potential for a future, I don’t want it!

So, instead of the hashtag #STIDCERPRPHERTNBC, I decided just to type: “If I’m too much, go find a little!”

I will let you know who ends up in my DMs. ?