A breast cancer diagnosis is a life altering event that not only affects the individual who receives it, but it also has a profound impact on their loved ones. Caregivers, often family members or close friends, play a crucial role in providing practical, emotional, and psychological support to those battling breast cancer and metastatic breast cancer. When I look back on my breast cancer journey, which began five years ago with a diagnosis that sent shock waves through my life, I can’t help but be moved by the incredible support of my family and friends. Their unwavering love and care, often catching me off guard, left me overwhelmed with gratitude. They were truly a blessing. You see, at the time, I was a fiercely independent single mama, used to tackling life’s challenges alone. Past traumas had shaped me into someone who believed I didn’t deserve love and care, but over time, therapy and the blessings of friendship and family slowly began to transform my self-perception. This transformation is truly priceless.
November is recognized as National Family Caregivers Month and I would like to reflect on the importance of these unsung heroes and how my friends and family have helped me through my metastatic breast cancer journey and beyond.
The Emotional Backbone
A metastatic breast cancer diagnosis is like an emotional whirlwind. It’s nearly impossible to adequately describe the intensity of those feelings. It’s definitely a wild ride. But what happens when you are like me, struggling to share your emotions or feeling isolated? Caregivers offer a steady anchor in these turbulent times, providing emotional support to the patient. They are often the ones who lend a shoulder to cry on, offer an empathetic ear, and remind their loved ones that they are not alone in this fight. I was fortunate to have my friends, Angela and Francesca, who simply came over after my chemo sessions to hang out. They’d sit with me, even if I didn’t feel like talking. Sometimes we’d listen to music or they would fill me in on all the juicy tidbits of their lives. Their presence and the solace they offered were enough to make me feel less alone. I really needed those moments of laughter and camaraderie. I had a squad of ladies that made me feel like I could get through anything. Today, I continue to receive emotional support from my partner, Joel. I can open up to him about all the anxiety I get around scan time and I share with him my fears and my hopes for the future. He listens and reassures me that I don’t have to go through this alone.
Practical Assistance
When I first started treatment, I wasn’t exactly sure how tired I would get or what kind of help I would need. Managing treatment for metastatic breast cancer can be physically grueling due to the side effects. Everyday tasks can become overwhelming and that’s where my friends and family really shone. After my first chemo treatment, I got very sick and started panicking. How could I care for my four year old daughter if I am going to be sick for the next few months? I remember calling my older brother and breaking down over the phone. It was hard to be vulnerable and ask for help. I knew I would need practical help with child care, transportation, cooking and cleaning. A week later my sister-in-law, Jenny, made the incredible sacrifice of quitting her job in New Mexico to come help me with my daughter, in Utah. Jenny helped organize my apartment, got my daughter ready for school and fed and bathed her in the evenings. She not only helped with daily care but also got creative with hairstyles I could never master myself. My daughter didn’t fully understand everything going on but she was happy to have tÃa Jenny staying with us. My sister-in-law was a lifesaver.
Another dear friend, Chelsea, organized a meal train, and I was overwhelmed with gratitude as friends and even strangers signed up to bring us meals during a time when I could barely eat. What a relief! This was a huge help and the support continued even after I started adjusting to my new normal. My friends, Jade and Nick really showed up for us too. The following summer they picked my child up everyday and transported her to and from the Boys and Girls Club where Jade was an instructor. They were trusted friends who helped care for my child while I used the time to go to endless appointments and treatment. Thinking back on those times has me teary eyed, I couldn’t have gotten through this without the many caregivers in my life.
Advocacy and Communication
During my breast cancer diagnosis, I was simultaneously dealing with bipolar mania, which made comprehending the information provided by doctors and conveying my own needs exceptionally challenging. Even without mental health complications, the sheer volume of medical information can be so overwhelming. Caregivers were instrumental in bridging this gap. My best friend, Tammy, was a constant presence at every oncology appointment. Sometimes anxiety would cause me to dissociate during medical discussions. I didn’t have to worry because Tammy was on it! In one particularly vital appointment, Tammy used her phone to record everything the oncologist explained to me, providing me with a lifeline to revisit and comprehend the details later. She was my invaluable second set of ears. When I decided to explore natural treatments, Tammy advocated for my choice and effectively communicated it to my team.
Today, during my quarterly visits to the oncologist, my partner Joel accompanies me and asks questions I may have forgotten or overlooked. When he is able to, he will sit with me during my infusions. His presence is a calming comfort for me when I am already freaking out over the latest scan or test results. Caregivers ensure that breast cancer patients receive the care they deserve.
The Unmeasurable Importance of Caregivers
Emotional support, practical assistance, advocacy, and communication are just a few of the many ways caregivers enrich the lives of breast cancer patients. Without their tireless support, my journey would have been infinitely more challenging. My caregivers showed up and had my back! Caregivers not only lighten the burden, but also fill life with hope and positivity. Their presence is a constant reminder that we are not alone in our battle against breast cancer.
As I pay forward the kindness that’s been shown to me, I want to emphasize the critical role caregivers play in the lives of patients. Their dedication, love, and selflessness often go unnoticed, but they are the unsung heroes in the fight against breast cancer. So, let’s take a moment to recognize and appreciate the caregivers who stand by our side and offer steady support, ensuring that no one has to face this challenge alone. We are stronger, together.
