Originally published in Wildfire Magazine, The Social Issue December 2019/ January 2020

I was sitting in my office at work when I got the call.

Although I have a family history of breast and reproductive cancers, I was the first to be diagnosed as a young African American woman under 40 with no children. I began frantically searching for support groups and women similar to myself who also had been given a life-changing diagnosis.

After what seemed like an eternity, I finally found someone who I thought I might be able to reach out to and help me understand this thing called “triple negative breast cancer.” I started following hashtags on Instagram for #breastcancer and #triplenegativebreastcancer and that’s when I found Ebony.

Ebony: an amazing African American mother of six from Florida, diagnosed with triple negative breast cancer while pregnant with her sweet baby boy. We instantly connected and found sisterhood in a virtual space! We communicated almost daily about our diagnoses, treatment plans and our lives in general. She would tell me funny stories about her husband and kids and I would tell her about my soap opera dating situations and life. LOL!

Any changes to my medications or my treatment plan, Ebony was the first to know. She would prepare me with questions to ask my doctors and even encouraged me to challenge them when needed. I, too, would talk her through her appointments and would often stay on her about resting and having her older daughters help around the house just a little more.

We learned to advocate together.

Ebony helped me navigate the changes I was experiencing with my body, my mind and sudden changes in relationships. She helped me to see the beauty in my new bald head and oversized belly and face from the steroids.

“We do what we gotta do to live, Sis,” she would often tell me. She was right and together, we did what we had to do to survive.

Ebony also introduced me to a support group called Compassion That Compels, a non-profit organization that provides support to women battling cancer. Compassion blessed us with these very nice tote bags filled with items to help us through our treatment. It was amazing and beautiful and free! Ebony loved her bag and often talked about our Compassionista sisters who she also supported through their cancer journeys.

After six months of chemotherapy and a bilateral mastectomy, I was finally deemed cancer free! Ebony was there every step of the way!

I remember calling her to tell her the good news and we screamed over the phone with tears of joy flowing down my face and I’m sure hers too because we both were cancer free! This was our time to finally meet face to face and celebrate our second chance at life, together! With joy and hope, we planned the details for my trip to her home in Tampa.

Shortly after, Ebony got a call that her tumor markers were elevated in her recent bloodwork and she needed to come in for further testing. I remember using my best school counselor skills to convince Ebony to go and get the results because she didn’t want to hear the news. Summer was quickly approaching and she just wanted to close out the kids’ school year in good spirits and enjoy Mother’s Day with her family.

A few weeks passed, she finally made and kept the appointment to hear her results. The results came back showing that the cancer had returned as metastatic breast cancer. I remember reading her text and thinking, “What does this mean? Metastatic?” As silly as it may sound, I had never heard this word before. I quickly turned to Google to find the answer and my heart dropped.

“Not curable.”

I sat there and read those words for at least ten times before I could wrap my mind around a response to my sister. “But it’s metastatic, Sis.” I could read the fear in her text. I quickly replied, “So what! We got this! God got this and I have you! Let’s get ready to kick #$% again, Sis!” Forgive me Lord for calling your name and cursing in the same sentence. He is still working on me!

As the summer rolled on, I was finally healed and rid of the pesky drains from surgery. I began making up for lost time by traveling a bit to celebrate my birthday and finding myself back into my own space. We postponed the celebration trip due to Ebony’s treatment schedule with chemo. When she wasn’t in treatment, she and her family would pack up and head to the beach. That was one of the many things we had in common. We both had a love for the peace and serenity of the waves rolling in and the sun kissing our skin.

I can remember saying to her once, “You’re going back to the beach again today?” She kind of laughed and said, “I will go as often as I can, Sis.” Summer moved to fall and Ebony started experiencing more pain. She started to complain a little more and was occasionally distant. The reports were better at times and other times, not so good.

I wish I could tell you we finally had the opportunity to celebrate life together face to face.

I wish I could share our first selfie together.

My sweet angel peacefully transitioned to her heavenly home before I had the chance to embrace her in my arms. When I reflect on it, I believe Ebony knew what her fate was. I think that’s why she spent so much time at the beach with her kids and her family. Making memories for the last time.

Although, I didn’t get the chance to physically meet Ebony, I met her with my heart. The love we share for each other can only be described with one word, God.

I traveled to Tampa with a friend to meet Ebony’s family and celebrate her life. What a glorious celebration it was. At the shore of one of her most favorite beaches, we shared stories of strength and love for a woman who touched so many lives in such a short time. Her work on this side was finished and we are here to carry on her legacy.

On a cloudy day at that beach, listening to the rhythm of the waves, I whispered to the sky that I would be to someone who Ebony was and will forever be, to me. I closed my eyes and kissed the white rose before throwing it into the ocean. As I opened my eyes, a tiny ray of sunshine broke through the clouds.

Crazy right? Maybe a coincidence? Nah. I think she stopped by to let us know she will always be with us.

Since Ebony’s passing, I have become a regional community leader with Compassion That Compels. I share the beautiful testimony God has given me about healing my body and the power of unconditional love in friendship with Ebony through social media.

I’m encouraging my sisters of color in the fight against cancer to share their stories, unite their voices, and have the courageous conversations as they take charge of their own health.

I’m advocating for more research to find answers to why so many young women of color are being diagnosed and dying.

I’m also serving as a voice for those who are not able to speak for themselves.

As a two-year breast cancer overcomer, pressing on to a lifetime of advocacy, I hope to show others how to take a life changing diagnosis and be a blessing to other, one compassionate act at a time.

I love you my angel Ebony, and I’m keeping my promise.