“He may very well be your person. But you’re not his person.”

These words completely took my breath away. It made complete sense. More importantly, I needed to hear it.

My best friend of 20 years texted those words to me when I expressed I couldn’t understand why my ex and I weren’t together.

She was right.

I had to accept it.

My ex and I met in February 2017. We clicked and hit the floor running. We were connected and fell in love. It was quick and intense. He was my breath of fresh air. We met one another’s kids and family. We decided to move in together. We were best friends and lovers.

My ex and I shared a similar sense of humor and goals for the future. We could talk about anything all day through texts and emails. When we called one another, we answered. If we were busy, we would text to let the other know. I was so attracted to him. He was so intelligent and had the height to match. I didn’t want to jinx it but I just knew I met my person.

When we discussed his friends, he mentioned how they would get together from time to time. I had introduced him to my friends but never met any of his.

We both were on a couple social media platforms but he didn’t post us. I found that to be odd. When I would bring it up, he didn’t see why either were a big deal.

I wasn’t worried about him cheating or anything, but it began to affect us. I felt he was ashamed of me and eventually it caused a rip in our relationship. Misunderstandings eventually led to arguments. He moved out while we tried to salvage the relationship. It lasted for a month longer before I just couldn’t do it anymore.

I ended the relationship.

We didn’t speak for a few months.

Around a holiday, he invited my daughter and I to accompany him to his mother’s home. We unofficially started dating and spending time together. I felt during this time we made it to the next level of dating. I really got to know him and vice versa. We shared more during this period because we were completely vulnerable. Personally, I know I let all of my walls down and truly let him get to know me.

I felt we were leading towards an “official” relationship again. We were exclusive without it being said. It just was because we simply fit.

It was effortless.

I was falling for him again.

December 2018 came and I found my lump. I told him and he accompanied me to a couple of appointments. He reassured me I could beat it if I was diagnosed with cancer. He told me he would be by my side when I shared how scared I was about the diagnosis. Once my breast specialist selected my lumpectomy date, we agreed he would come to help me once my family left. We agreed that I would call him once I was out of surgery.

I called. No answer.

I texted. No answer.

What the hell?!?

This was weird. This was not like him at all.

Days passed. Months passed and I still hadn’t heard from him. I continued to try to contact him.

No answer.

I felt abandoned.

He knew I had abandonment issues.

We discussed this.

Was my cancer too much for him to handle?

Damn, he just disappeared.

Once I was okay and allowed to drive, I tried to go to his apartment. He no longer lived there. What in the entire fuck is going on?

I went to his place of employment. He wasn’t there. I contacted his mom but she hadn’t heard from him.

Months passed before I finally heard from him. “Where have you been?” I asked.

His voice was faint and I didn’t recognize the room that he was in. Eventually, he opened up to tell me he had been in and out of the hospital for a couple months. He was diagnosed with colon cancer. They were able to remove the cancer and he was recovering.

What are the chances that we both would be diagnosed with cancer?

Once we were both well, we met up. He was thinner but he looked like himself. I was bigger due to steroids, bald, and in the middle of chemotherapy. He explained the way he had to handle his diagnosis was to do it alone. It really hurt to hear he went at it alone when I would have been there for him. I expressed to him how worried I was and that he does not get to determine how I love him. I told him that he isn’t allowed to disappear anymore.

My cancer made it very clear to me that tomorrow wasn’t promised. So, I needed to make the most of my time. I wanted nothing more than to recover what we were rebuilding and move forward. Unfortunately, his cancer didn’t make him feel the same.

I got the sense that his cancer made him want to decrease the chances of burdening anyone should his cancer come back. His cancer caused PTSD. All he wanted was to be friends.

I was completely dumbfounded and devastated!

How could he not want to live his best life and in love for as long as the Lord allowed? He was my person. He was my best friend. He was my lover.

Until my best girl friend said what she said.

“He may very well be your person. But you’re not his person.”

I feel cancer destroyed our chance at forever.