The first word that comes to mind when I think of my post-cancer body is “journey.”
Journey is the word used to define the complete treatment plan that a breast cancer patient must take, but what I didn’t realize is that each part of the breast cancer experience has its own journey.
Chemotherapy is a journey.
Reconstruction is a journey.
Radiation therapy is a journey.
And maintaining your mental health is a journey.
For me, body image is a journey.
It’s a continuous struggle to look beyond the scars and implants. It can be a harsh daily reminder of the impact that breast cancer has had on your life.
The surgery scars and implants not only represent progress but also loss. A loss you will never forget.
Living in a world where there are such high standards for beauty, it is difficult to measure up, when you have experienced so much loss. Not only has breast cancer robbed you of your breast, but also the confidence you once had.
It’s a sometimes thing for me; sometimes I am more than confident and sometimes I am insecure.
In the beginning, I tried to cover up or downplay scars by wearing certain clothing items. But now, I have learned to embrace it. I have found that by focusing on the areas I can control, it lessens the negative feelings I have towards the things I can’t control like, my implants and surgical scars. I do this by working out, creating a daily self-care regimen, and meditating. By focusing on my mind, mental health, and physical health, I can build my confidence.
I have learned to truly survive and overcome the many obstacles that breast cancer patients face, you must do whatever you need to do to feel better.
To me, what makes me feel beautiful is being free to be beautiful without boundaries.
No mediocrity.
So, I live out loud. I do whatever it takes to make me feel happy in my skin.
One day, I may wear a blonde or blue wig. Some days, I wear the brightest red lipstick I can find.
I don’t care!
I do me and I do me so well that it silences all the negative thoughts that try to steal my joy.
I do whatever I need to do to be happy.
