Once I was diagnosed, I jumped head first down the breast cancer rabbit hole looking for some resemblance of similarities to my situation. There were some names that continued to pop up on different platforms. As I made the choice to get involved in the breast cancer community, I was privy to countless stories about the impact that different women were making for women of color (WOC). One of those women whose name continuously came up in different conversations and platforms was Shonté. We still have never met even though she has influenced me by paving the advocacy road for me. To say that I was honored to be able to have a candid conversation and have the chance to get know her would be an understatement.

For The Breast Of Us (FTBOU) Baddie x 2 series is an intimate moment in time grasping the interaction between two baddies as they discuss being diagnosed, thrivorship, and everything that comes in between. We hope that you enjoy this amazing series and that it sparks a dialogue amongst the breast cancer community.
In the 16th installment of our amazing series, Baddie x 2: Growth through Conversations,
I was able to catch up with this amazing Baddie, Shonté Drakeford.

Hey Sis! Thank you for your time and the willingness to share your experience.
How did you hear about FTBOU?

I’ve been working with Marissa and Jasmine for years now. I found the private Baddie Facebook group (Breast Cancer Baddies). I actually did an article in the beginning of FTBOU. I wrote a blog piece and it was one of my first experiences with creative writing. I am always willing to help and spread the word. FTBOU is a great and unique organization geared towards WOC who are at all levels/phases of breast cancer.

How has FTBOU supported you?

I really love the private FB group, Breast Cancer Baddies! Literally, it is an inclusive space for young WOC. In this amazing private group, you can be completely open and honest. Everyone in the group just supports one another. For me, it was a black space & WOC community where I can just share, get inspiration, and advice, and uplift others. You get resources and connect with other organizations. It will always be a sacred space that is completely confidential.

What is your favorite part about being a Baddie?

Sharing my story in different ways. I did a video of infertility. I love that FTBOU was one of the first to have highlighted sexual health. Also, I have participated on the Baddie 2 Baddie podcast. FTBOU just continues to expand and grow while reaching out to other organizations to make sure that we are always included & seen.

What was your initial diagnosis?

I was diagnosed in 2015 with Stage IV Invasive Ductal Carcinoma (IDC) Metastatic Breast Cancer (MBC) with affected lymph nodes, hips, ribs, spine, and lungs.

What age were you when you were diagnosed?

I was 31 years old. However, I was denied for years…since I was 25 years old. They would not give me a mammogram. I had to fight to be heard and believed. By the time they listened, the lump got really big. It was 8cm and hard as a rock.

As a Nurse Practitioner, I remember that I had to fight for a young patient because she was under 30. She had a palpable lump. I had to call and fight for her to be seen. Advocacy doesn’t end and I will speak up for others to be heard.

How did you feel when you were initially diagnosed?

I had mixed emotions. Because I am a medical professional, I got anxious and worried that I would die. They were asking me about family history and I just began asking questions. I started fidgeting around and getting jittery. I remember that I had to wait over the weekend for more results, which caused me to go down the breast cancer rabbit hole. Honestly, I was terrified! But once I finally got the results, I took a moment after to pray for God to remove all of the worry. It was a sigh of relief. I liked that there was a plan and that they wanted to scan my body. I was honored that they scanned me from the jump. My best friend was in the lobby with me. That unknown feeling can be a lot and immediately creates anxiety.

What is your current treatment plan?

Every 4 weeks, my current treatment plan is that I get labs drawn. I get a hormonal
therapy injection, Zoladex, and a targeted therapy injection, Xgeva. Also, I take an oral
chemo pill to slow the progression of MBC, Ibrance, and the hormonal therapy pill,
Letrozole.

Did you lose your hair?

No, I did not but it did thin out. They have lowered my dose, so it is getting thicker. I went natural when I was diagnosed.

During this journey, there are some ups and downs. How has MBC shown up in your life over the years?

I was in a wheelchair and crutches (3-4 months). I could not put any pressure on my hip or my legs, I basically had to learn how to walk and everything again. Femur bone lesions and I am at risk fracture. I can’t run but I can walk. I just cherish the moments of the things that I can do. I know that there will be some days that I cannot do all of the things. So, while I can, I do. Snowboarding was something that enjoyed while I could do it. I ran a couple of 5Ks while I could before I fractured my sacrum. Went back to school to finish my degree. I reinvented myself. I am going to do while I am here. Try new things. Do all of the things. No time for the drama or nonsense.

People just don’t get it when you don’t look like cancer. Prepare my body. I need rest. Still having treatment. My husband likes for them to see my weak days. People need to see that for these 9 years, cancer is beating up my body. No on top of another, no
divided by another no. Shonté is not the same Shonté.

What is one thing that you wished you were told before treatment?

Pain jolts. It’s random and no one told me. I just did not anticipate having those. I found out a lot through my own research. I realized that I could live longer than 5 years. It is not a death sentence, thanks to research and medications. I wish that they told me that because 80% of this is mind over matter. My mindset has kept me thriving. I am triple positive and I learned after some years that I was infertile. I wanted to have children. Also, I was a foster kid. I learned that I couldn’t adopt because I am stage IV/MBC. I used volunteer at a foster kid camp. I am hopeful because things have changed. Just know that you don’t have to be a statistic. You can practice and then make it a lifestyle.

Since being diagnosed, what is something that you did that you never thought would happen?

I just finished a TEDX – I never thought that I would do it.

What was your biggest self-discovery or revelation after you were diagnosed?

I am tougher than I thought. Like I am a G, for real. There are not a lot of people like me. Everyone is not mentally tough. I want to give them the knowledge to know that they are powerful. Everything that I have been planning is coming to fruition.

What are 3 nuggets of advice that you give on how to best support a loved one going through breast cancer?

1. Don’t try to tell them what they need to be or do. People were trying to tell me
   how I needed to feel. I hated it
2. Use your resources. I apply for all of the resources that I can.
3. You cannot do this alone. You need a village of people.

Thrivorship, what does that mean to you? I am a thriver and I am surviving.

What advice would you give to someone trying to navigate survivorship? This is a marathon and not a race. Expect to deal with survivorship long term. Do not shorten yourself thinking this is a short-term situation. Take it day by day. Give yourself grace. People be so hard on themselves. That guilt can get heavy and lead to depression. Focus on the things that you can do. Modify, adjust and reinvent! Remember that cancer ain’t you, it is just a part of you! I still make goals and make plans. I don’t think about death all of the damn time!

What are some of the insensitive things people have ask?

People ask about my infertility. People say that you don’t look like you have cancer. I always follow it up with a question, why do you want me to look ill? What does cancer look like? I don’t look like the stigma. People ask me why aren’t you vegan? Environmental factors, factors of living in the US where we work 8-12-hour work days. They don’t realize all of these factors have caused cancer. I farm all of my own produce with natural fertilizer. You do what you can do to help yourself.

What does your mental healthcare look like?

It started with support groups – FTBOU FB Private group, Breast Cancer Baddies. I can vent and get a recommendation that will help me. I know that I am speaking with people who understand.
I pray and laugh a lot. I do the things that give me joy. My husband is the best person – been together since high school when we were 15 and 16. He can literally predict my moods, my good and bad days. He will push me and encourage me.

Therapy, I did try but it is rare to find someone who I fit with and take my insurance. I
need someone who will help me understand my childhood triggers, boundaries, etc.

What do you have to repeatedly give yourself grace for since your diagnosis?

Guilt is real. Because I cannot work full time, I cannot financially contribute. If I could, then everything won’t fall on him. I hate that I can’t help him. It really is hard for me. I work 1 day a week as a Nurse Practitioner. I teach childbirth skills to new parents. I find ways to still work. I keep my mind and body occupied – thankful for understanding employers and colleagues.

We as WOC have to survive/thrive on many different levels, sometimes to the point where we can’t slip up. How tired are you from just thriving?

I have my moments. This year, I am tired. I have not done hardly anything cancer-related. I just got back started with the community. I wanted to live cancer-less. I know when I am not in a good head space physically and mentally – the word “no” is used more frequently.

What would you like the breast cancer community to do for more WOC?

You get tired of having the same talk in some of these spaces. Suggesting the same ways for them to connect with the communities in need. I’ve suggested creating infusions centers like they have for dialysis centers.

Meet the community where they are and there is a need.

Organizations need to partner up with small private companies, possibly doing lunch and learns, talk about these new services, and clinical studies, etc. This is how they could help these underserved and rural areas. There aren’t any insurance companies at most breast cancer conferences or giving real ideas/plans to help make fighting cancer affordable. It just makes no sense.

What complementary therapies have you tried?

Lots of them all of the time. I do oncology specific massages that I found through the organization’s website. It doesn’t hurt like regular massage therapy. I do Reiki at the Life of Cancer organization. Palliative care doctor offers acupuncture. I utilize these resources to assist with these high costs. I used CBD and THC ointment for my pain spots. I sleep with ASMR. All of these are great adjunct.

Tell me about your support system.

I have multiple caregivers to help.

My husband; he is a great guy. He cooks really well! He goes over and beyond for me.

My 11 Godchildren: they give me so much joy and life.

My Friends; they know me through and through. They treat me like normal.

My Village; A person for every category of persons to help relieve my husband from having to do so much.

I know that I am blessed!

What effect did breast cancer have on your marriage?

My husband holds things in and he is an introvert, military/PTSD. Sexually health; I have no libido, moisture, and can’t drop it like it is hot anymore. You have to navigate past it. We talk about it regularly. We believe in working on it. We have been together 25 years and married 18 years. We have been through so much over the years.

Deployments, PTSD, my mood swings, infertility, etc. Remaining US has helped our
foundation as a unit. It is not easy and we have our issues but we still work on it. We do
date nights. We are open to everything to help our marriage.

 What parts of old YOU are still a part of YOU today, and what are your favorite parts of the new YOU?

Optimism, spunk/goofiness, and travel, I still have those parts of me.
 
Now I have boundaries, know how to say no and take no crap from anyone. I never had that
before. It is straight, authentic, and raw.

What are three things you would tell someone who was just told that they have
BC?

1. Don’t be hard on yourself. Process it on your own terms.
2. Don’t let people think for you.
3. Ask all of the questions. If you don’t know it truly, just ask. Don’t lead with fear or
   let it control you.

If you were to write a blog about yourself tomorrow, what would the title be?

I Gotta Have Joy!
 

What is one thing that you would want the world to know about you that doesn’t have anything to do with breast cancer?

I want the world to know that I am a G!

What question would you ask someone you were conducting the interview?

If you had no worries or cares of the world, what would you do? Once they answer, ask them why haven’t they done it yet!

My response to my own suggested question is: You can attain – you may have to change logistics

How can our readers connect with you?

www.shontedrakeford.com