Our Baddie x 2 series is an intimate moment in time grasping the interaction between two baddies as they discuss being diagnosed, survivorship, and everything that comes in between. We hope that you enjoy this series and that it sparks a dialogue amongst the breast cancer community.

Interview With Breast Cancer Survivor, Yahira Torres, as told to Baddie Ambassador Keneene Lewis

She is a woman of many talents with the biggest heart. She wants to do her part to change the world, starting with the breast cancer community. She wants to be a part of collaborative efforts to make sure everyone has access to resources, information, and support. Wherever there is a meeting of the minds in the community, I expect to see the Visionary and Founder of Pride Retreat. You will hear her laughing or see her moving about the space supporting and uplifting another woman. I am thankful to call her my sister and friend.

In May of 2022, Yahaira Torres was introduced as one of the ladies chosen to be a part of the 3rd cohort of Baddie Ambassadors with For The Breast Of Us. At this point, she had already begun to build her connections and relationships within the breast cancer community. She was in the throes of survivorship and navigating all that comes after active treatment. As we all arrived in Orlando, we began to get acclimated to the home that we would all occupy for five days.

Everyone migrated towards the backyard, which had a beautiful infinity pool, jacuzzi, and gazebo area. The music was going, refreshments were flowing, and the OGs were interacting with the newbies. The scenery was beautiful and picture-worthy. At this point, I began to take pictures of the BAs. I love to capture each of them in their element and unplanned. As I made my way to another area of the pool, I knew that I had to get to know the beauty lying across some of the brickwork. Her curls flowed all over her head and her laughter filled the space. I began to snap pictures of her. She exudes confidence over chill vibes while representing multiple populations: Woman of color (WOC), Latina, Flattie, Plus Size, and a new breast cancer Baddie!

In the seventh installment of our amazing series, Baddie x 2: Growth through Conversations, I was able to catch up with the awesome Baddie Ambassador, Yahaira Torres.

Q & A Yahaira Torres

How did you hear about For The Breast Of Us (FTBOU)?

Social media. I think that I heard about FTBOU through Hip Hop Happy Hour from Trish. I believe that she posted something, or it was Baddie Ambassador alum, Vanessa Chapoy. I know that I was looking for Latinas.

How has FTBOU supported you?

FTBOU has given me a sense of community & sisterhood that I can reach out and speak out to anyone at any time. Cancer-related or absolutely anything else. A group of women who truly have your back…no ill wishes from anyone, just my cheerleaders. Also, I can speak to Marissa about being a business owner.

What is your favorite part about being an FTBOU Baddie?

What is your favorite memory with FTBOU?

I would say the 2022 BA retreat in Florida. Laughing at night with the late-night chats. We were in the thick of it and just being silly. I really appreciate moments like this.

What year were you initially diagnosed?

Mid pandemic – Sept 2020; it was shitty to be diagnosed during the pandemic.

Social media helped me. The wave of girls that were all diagnosed during the pandemic is still really big on social media. It was the only way that we could connect to the breast cancer community at that time.

How old were you when you were diagnosed?

31 years old

What was your initial diagnosis?

Stage 2B Invasive Ductal Carcinoma ER/PR+ HER2-

After my surgery, my doctor sent me to get tested, and they found cancer in 1 out of 17 lymph nodes that they removed. My active treatment plan included a double mastectomy, followed by chemotherapy in June 2021. Unfortunately, I experienced infections twice due to expanders and eventually decided to go flat. I finished radiation in December of 2021. I was told that I had to lose 50 lbs. to be eligible for reconstructive surgery. However, it is now considered an elective procedure due to the risk of infections associated with high BMI. Knowing that I was going to remain flat, I made the decision to embrace my body as a plus-size flattie. Unfortunately, insurance has been a battle for a year, and I am still fighting for coverage.

What is your current treatment plan?

I was on Anastrozole but that was causing crazy bone and joint pain. My cancer healthcare team is switching me to Letrozole. I feel that we (survivors, thrivers, metathrivers) get used to being in pain.

Did you face treatment obstacles during your breast cancer treatment?

Yes, there were many complications during my treatment, including infections that led to two extra surgeries to remove the expanders. I also had to fight for my reconstruction.

When I asked for a handicap sign, she said I didn’t need it, and when I brought a financial assistance grant for verification, she said, “you are working or getting unemployment.”. All healthcare professionals were dismissive of me, and I feel it’s because of my age and being Latina. They focus so much on the medical aspect and forget about the person.

Did you lose your hair? How did you manage this?

Yes, I did lose my hair. I thought that it was going to be harder than it was for me to accept losing it but I had cut & colored it pretty short prior to chemo to prepare for all that would come. But losing my eyebrows was a different story. I was pissed. After that, I felt that I looked sick, so I didn’t want to leave the house.

What is one thing that you wished you were told before treatment?

Life after cancer is harder during active treatment. When you are diagnosed, you do not think about the mental component; all you think about is getting back to normal, the pain, meds, etc. Mentally, it is really hard even with medications, a therapist, etc.

What do you have to repeatedly give yourself grace for since your diagnosis?

When I am having a rough day mentally, I give myself grace for doing the bare minimum. I used to always do the most all of the time and then beat myself up for it.

We as WOC have to survive/thrive on many different levels, sometimes to the point where we can’t slip up. How tired are you from just thriving?

I am exhausted. It goes back to feeling like I have to do so much all of the time. It is a cultural thing when everyone in your family is made of hustlers and go-getters, etc. You’ve seen it your whole life. It’s the way you were raised.

What was your biggest self-discovery or revelation after you were diagnosed?

I became a person that would say ‘no’ to a lot of things because I was always a ‘yes’ person.

Sometimes, I retreat to the ‘yes’ behavior and then have to remind myself that I am doing way too much but now I have got to stop.

What was the most difficult part of your journey and how did you overcome it?

The mental health stuff and fighting with the insurance for reconstruction. I am still fighting the insurance.
Relationships in general. It has taken a toll on my family and my relationship. David was a great caregiver and ally. After cancer, it was hard for us to get back to a “norm” and address the issues. We are still working on it.

How do you deal with insensitive comments?

It can be hard, especially when it’s loved ones who mean well but still need to be checked. It’s a situational thing. If it’s done to me, I try not to waste too much energy on it. However, if it’s done to others, I speak up and correct people firmly. Some people give off the impression that they want to learn and do better, which makes it easier. I always remind myself that it’s usually just ignorance. Educating others is crucial.

What physical changes happened after being diagnosed with breast cancer?

I feel like an old lady. My bones and joints hurt and I gained weight from both chemo and COVID. I used to have large breasts. Going from an F cup to nothing has been a lot. I just want some boobs! I was proportioned and want it back.

What advice would you give on best supporting a loved one going through breast cancer?

Be a great listener. You don’t have to have an answer or say much. Sometimes people talk too much versus just listening.

Survivorship/Thrivorship, what does that mean to you?

Thrivorship. It means living daily with all the struggles that come with cancer while still pushing through with everyday life.

Have you truly accepted your new normal?

It is an up-and-down for me. Some days, cancer had to happen for me to change my way of thinking. On other days, I’m like fuck that.

Has your anxiety increased/decreased since being diagnosed?

It has increased. I think it has to do more with constantly fighting the urge to resort to my old behaviors. I want to do many things and keep busy to avoid getting depressed. I often think about the “what ifs” and what my life is supposed to be like. I used to be a control freak, needing to know every detail. Now I am more chill, but sometimes I still struggle internally.

What concerns/worries about your illness?

There are definitely concerns.

Tell me about your support system?

My boyfriend, David. My 3 children are all boys. Two are biologically mine 13 & 9 years old; the 11-year-old is my bonus child. My Baddies and Breasties.

What effect did breast cancer have on your relationship?

David: he was go-go-go when it came to taking care of the family. It was hard to adjust back to me not being a patient anymore. We are still working on this. It is a “one day at a time” kind of thing. I am a different person and changed so much…now we are changing. I am still adjusting and regaining independence.

How has your diagnosis affected your family?

Yes and no. My cancer brought my Mom and me closer. We speak more frequently now. However, I was the first in my family to be diagnosed and have the BRCA tests. Despite my efforts to inform them of the importance of testing, no one in my family has been tested to date. I believe it’s due to fear and the mentality of “ignorance is bliss.

What do you do that you feel assists you physically overall?

I do weightlifting and yoga two times a week. Stretching is so important because my body aches all of the time.

What complementary therapies have you tried?

I do breathwork therapy, where I focus on finding my life’s purpose. My therapist reminds me that I am the theme of my story and that is my life’s work. I also write in a journal and meditate. I used to paint, but it’s been a while. I have a whole studio, but I need to carve out time to get back into it.

What parts of old YOU are still a part of YOU today?

I have always been very caring. It has been amplified more within the community. It was one of the reasons why I created Pride Retreat to do things for others.

What are your favorite parts about new YOU that old YOU didn’t have?

I learned how to say NO to things that don’t serve me. I still struggle but getting better and more comfortable.

How do you advocate?

I advocate via the Pride Retreat. It came about through me coming up with an idea of how to give back to those in the community who were taking care of me. Within 2 weeks of my diagnosis, I was connected with the breast cancer community. It is all that I knew. I wanted to be able to meet the people in person and I knew just how effective that would be. My experience at the Baddie Ambassador retreat really made me push for Pride Retreat.

The goal is to have a network and community. We speak to one another for a year before we are able to meet in person. We create a network where they learn to start advocating and if they want to be involved in the community.

The retreat is very casual, and I want to make sure they get enough time to rest. The retreat includes a theme party night, a healing circle (Patti leads a smoke session) on the first night to talk about cancer, yoga, outings, and team building. It is for one full week.

The application process for Pride Retreat is as follows: it is open to all women, 50 years and under, with any type of cancer, and as diverse as possible (including women of color). It is open to everyone from previvors to Stage IV/MBC thrivers. Previvors are a target population, as they are already taking measures to prevent cancer and have taken necessary tests, adding valuable perspectives from the caregiver point of view.

I also get involved with as many organizations as I can, including FTBOU (to be a representative), mental health in survivorship, DE&I committee with the Breasties, Angel Advocate program with Tigerlily, and YSC in Boston. I try to speak for WOC as much as possible.

What are three things you would tell someone who was just told that they have breast cancer?

What is a typical day like for you now?

On my typical day, I wake up at 6 AM and bring my kids to school. Then, I drive 40 minutes to the office where I work all 3 jobs at one location until 4-5 PM. After that, I pick up my boys, cook dinner, help with homework, and work some more before going to their activities. All jobs are primarily remote/work from home. Sometimes, I squeeze in a trip to the gym on my good days. When I get home, I usually work on the Pride Retreat. I also I did the 30 days outfit of the day (OOTD); It is a challenge due to that mental funk that I (and others) can get in.

Why do you feel it is important for us to reach out to your culture?

I feel that we are a culture that does not speak about things out loud. We do not like to burden people in the family with our issues. Most of the time, the family member is a lot older and everyone else learns on their deathbed that they were sick. This can result in a lack of understanding. However, there is a major shift happening with the younger generation. We are not keeping this shit in anymore and letting people know what is going on. It is important to show to our culture that it is ok.

What are you still hoping to accomplish & leave as your mark in the breast cancer community?

The idea of bringing more organizations working together. I envision leadership retreats, so they talk about their ideas, partnerships, collaborations, etc. We should all work together. There is room for all of us and the more the merrier for the community. Everyone has to realize that what one organization does for one person; that same person may get something else that they may need from another organization. There are unlimited resources, and it is not a competition. It goes away from the original mission.

If you were to write a blog about yourself tomorrow, what would the title be?

Lioness Roar

What was your theme song during your treatment?

Jhene Aiko – W.A.Y.S.

What is something that you want to tell the lawmakers/change makers?

Fuck off! The DIEP coding situation is a really big issue and pisses me off. I would say to them: What would you do if your wife/daughter/mother was diagnosed with breast cancer? What options would you want them to have?

What is your favorite memory of your journey has been?

Pink is Not the Problem campaign with the Breasties. That is where my advocacy began, and I became more active.

What question would you ask someone you were conducting the interview?

What is one fun activity that you did for yourself during treatment? Traveled, when I wasn’t supposed to. I went to Disneyworld by myself. I had a break from chemo because of dental work. Because I had a chunk of time that I felt good, I went to Epcot. I traveled the world. The other day, I just chilled in the hotel. It was the best!!

How can our readers connect with you?

IG: ya.hi.ra
EM: yahirat@prideretreat.org
Website: www.prideretreat.org

Yahaira, continue to leave your impression on the community through collaboration and support.
This amazing conversation took place over multiple days because she is doing it all. We laughed while oversharing about being women of color affected by breast cancer under the age of 45. There were lots of commonalities as we are women who move in and out of multiple spaces in an assortment of roles. Mother. Employee. Spouse. Daughter. Leader. Advocate. Baddie. Breast Cancer Sister. She is striving to create a new norm for herself mentally while still advocating to reclaim a resemblance of herself physically. If anyone can make it happen, it is Yahaira!