Our Baddie x 2 series is an intimate moment in time grasping the interaction between two baddies as they discuss being diagnosed, survivorship, and everything that comes in between. We hope that you enjoy this series and that it sparks a dialogue amongst the breast cancer community.

Interview With Breast Cancer Survivor, Tandria Edwards, as told to Baddie Ambassador Keneene Lewis

Every time that I have been in her presence, I have purposely made sure that we have a conversation. From the moment that we officially met when she walked through the door, I felt drawn to her. We hugged as I welcomed her to the For The Breast Of Us (FTBOU) 2022 Baddie Ambassador (BA) retreat. I could sense that we had some obvious connections, but I knew that there was more that was unspoken that we unfortunately shared. Those commonalities that you hate to hear that another woman had to endure the same pain.

One thing that you could see the moment she walked in was her short stature, beautiful smile, amazing cheekbones, and blue hair. Her smile was contagiously comforting as it carried her laughter through the room. As we were all getting situated in this massive space, getting more acquainted and connecting, all of the ladies eventually migrated to the pool. It was a gorgeous day and the sky looked just like a dream. Pillowy clouds sporadically danced across the sky on this 80-plus-degree day.

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I was doing my thing, just flicking it up with the OG Baddie Ambassadors, using the beautiful landscape as their backdrop to capture cherished moments. For some of the OGs, we can take pictures all day; everyone knows that I try to capture all of the moments from the retreat. The planned moments and unexpected gems that come about from being in this memorable space with your sisters.

I remember turning and suggesting that she move to a space in the pool so I could capture this moment. I could instantly feel her vulnerability and sense that some of her confidence had been shaken. I wondered if it was because she had gone through treatment in the midst of the pandemic or if it was something else. I just let her know that it was alright to relax and just give me a face. The more pictures I took, the more comfortable she became with me. Her pictures were some of my favorites from the retreat.

Bonds were made through heavy conversations full of tears and laughter.

In this space, one can simply exist as oneself, without all of the responsibilities and roles one embodies regularly. For some, this time is very rare. The retreat rejuvenates us to return to the community and be a soft spot to land for those newly diagnosed or for sisters still in active treatment.

By the end of the retreat, I felt that my sweet Sis was completely out of her shell. She returned home and hit the ground running as a BA throughout the breast cancer community.

In the eighth installment of our amazing series, Baddie x 2: Growth through Conversations, I was able to catch up with the awesome Baddie Ambassador, Tandria Edwards.

Q&A Tandria Edwards

Hey Sis! Thank you for your time and willingness to share your experience.

How did you hear about For The Breast Of Us (FTBOU)?

A breast cancer survivor told me about FTBOU. She found the organization on Instagram and sent the page to me and my high school classmate. Through our shared experience with breast cancer, I got closer to both of these women and they allowed me to pick their brains. She encouraged me to apply to become a BA.

How has FTBOU supported you?

FTBOU has been a stepping-stone for me. I have been meeting women that I can relate to in the community. FTBOU has helped me to be more vocal and find beneficial resources for myself.

What is your favorite part about being an FTBOU BA?

My sisters. That sisterhood is my favorite part. Even though I didn’t know everyone in person, everyone opened their arms to me via social media. Once I opened the door at the retreat, everyone was like I love you, I care about you, and your journey. I wanted to know how we could relate to one another. They just understand you.

What is your favorite memory with FTBOU?

Our photoshoot at the ’22 retreat. The photo shoot is my favorite memory because I was lacking confidence. It helped me gain the confidence that I needed…and seeing everyone be their beautiful selves embracing their bodies.

What year were you initially diagnosed?

Sept 28, 2020

What was your initial diagnosis?

Stage 2B Invasive Ductal Carcinoma & Stage 0/DCIS ER/PR+ HER2-

I found a lump on my breast several months before my diagnosis. It was a mountain sitting on my boob…you could physically see it protruding from my skin. That was the largest one. I also had multiple smaller lumps that I was unaware of at the time.

2020 was a stressful year for me. I had left my abusive partner and moved to Georgia to live with my sister at the end of January. When I first felt the lump, I thought it would go away, as I had a similar lump on my left side previously that had gone away on its own. I forgot about it because of the issues happening in my life but by May/June of 2020, the lump was still there, and I still didn’t get it checked out.

I went home to St. Louis a few months later, and my cousin Larryta stayed on top of me to schedule an appointment to get the lump checked. Fear held me back from dealing with it; I had been compartmentalizing my life and prioritizing my children and family over my own health.

Finally, on August 24th, 2020, I made an appointment to see a doctor during the first week of September.

When were you diagnosed and at what age?

I was 30 yrs old.

What is your current treatment plan?

I take Letrozole for hormone therapy and Verzenio. I am taking a pause on Verzenio this month because it makes me really nauseous…I wasn’t eating, had lots of bone pain, and wasn’t getting much sleep. Currently I am on Lupron injections every three months.

What is one thing that you wished you were told before treatment?

I wish they had told me that it would take a toll on me mentally and that I would need to see other doctors, such as a dentist and ophthalmologist.

What was your biggest self-discovery or revelation after you were diagnosed?

I went through a time when people were attacking my looks for years. I thought that I was not beautiful. Then when I finally did see myself as beautiful, cancer showed up. Now I am pulling myself back out.

What was the most difficult part of your journey and how did you overcome it?

Seeing people for who they truly are. That is a part that I am working on now. I am learning to let people go and take them for face value. Family and friends, that has been the most difficult.

My sister is the hardest. Her lack of being there for me after me being her rock for years. In the past, she could call me for anything. I would drop anything and come her way. It is not reciprocated. Our relationship was strained before the diagnosis. I thought that diagnosis would help improve it, but it didn’t. Also, I realize how things are with my niece. She was like my first child before I had kids. It has been hurtful. But I know it is not me, they are projecting their stuff onto me. I know that I cannot fix it or change it.

What advice would you give on how to best support a loved one going through breast cancer?

I would recommend taking an etiquette class on how to speak to those affected by cancer. So many say the wrong things or use their personal experiences with other people who had cancer towards the person affected by cancer. We are not the same; you cannot project what you have known/said/done onto me.

Did you face treatment obstacles during your breast cancer treatment process?

No, I didn’t get that from my doctors. My surgeon & medical oncologist are both Asian. My PCP is black. I didn’t have to fight for anything. My physician saw my growth and they got me scheduled. I almost didn’t get my mammogram done because I did not have a babysitter. I had to bring my twins with me.

Did you lose your hair? How did you manage this?

Yes, I did it. Shaving the hair on my head wasn’t too bad because I had rocked a short haircut before. But seeing my eyebrows and eyelashes disappear was much harder for me. I looked sick, and when I saw myself, I broke down.

What physical changes happened after being diagnosed with breast cancer?

I gained weight and hit 200 lbs. I had never weighed that much in my life, not even when I was pregnant with the twins. Even though people say I carry it well, I miss being little Tan. In some ways, gaining weight is even worse than losing my breasts.

How do you deal with insensitive comments?

I don’t think I get many insensitive comments anymore. If I do, it’s usually from my own family, but I just brush it off. One time, a guy asked me about my missing breast, so I explained everything to him. I shared that I don’t have breasts or nipples. I get that there will be some curiosity about it.

Survivorship/Thrivorship, what does that mean to you?

I consider myself a thriver. Regarding breast cancer, I am a thriver. That is because I am still dealing with the residual effects and will be taking meds until I am 40.

We as WOC have to survive/thrive on many different levels, sometimes to the point where we can’t slip up. How tired are you from just thriving?

I have been thriving my whole life and I am definitely tired. I would like someone to come in and say, “I got this, and it is ok.” Then I could take a break. This weekend, I was going through it. I am tired of feeling that I am fighting a constant battle of not having someone who understands that I am tired of doing this.

What does your mental healthcare look like?

I’ve been working on addressing my traumas for a while now. I had a therapist back home but once I moved here, I didn’t have access to one, and now everything is spilling out of the compartmentalized box that I put it in. So now I’m trying to deal with it all. Spiritually, I’m getting closer to God, and my mental health and spiritual growth are working together.

I already had anxiety, depression, panic attacks, and PTSD from my experiences with domestic violence and sexual assault, but my anxiety has gotten worse lately. So, my medications have been increased to see if they can help me manage my anxiety, insomnia, and depression. However, it makes me irritable, and I don’t like being that way around my kids. But it’s all part of the process, and I know it will take time to work through it.

What do you have to repeatedly give yourself grace for since your diagnosis?

Not being ok and taking time for myself. If I don’t want to do it, I don’t.

What do you do that you feel assists you physically overall?

I started working out but then stopped. Now, I’m trying to get back into it because I’ve been on a health journey to get back to the old Tan. I make a point to get out and be more active so that I’m not stuck inside sulking in my depression. Instead, I’m looking for the light and doing what I can to find it.

What complementary therapies have you tried?

I do breathwork.

Tell me about your support system.

My mom stayed with me during different periods of treatment. She was there in October for my port placement, then she flew back home. She came back to be with me during chemo. My cousin stayed with me from December 2020 until September 2021, and she was a huge help. I appreciate everything she did. However, when she went back home, something happened, I don’t know what, and communication stopped.

My twins were four years old when I was diagnosed, and Gabe took it harder than Grae. He’s a Momma’s boy and could sense everything I was feeling. He worried that I wouldn’t come back after treatments. Grae was there, but I don’t think she fully understood it until she was five.

Have you truly accepted your new normal?

In a way, yes. I am leaning towards 100% being there. I still have my struggles. I am embracing my new normal.

What if you never get old Tan but you get Tan 2.0?

I am open to Tan 2.0.

What effect has breast cancer had on your dating?

It was shitty before, during, and even now. There’s this guy I know, we call him Friendzone because, well, he’s obviously in the friend zone. One day, he kissed my scars and it made me feel beautiful. He wants more, but I don’t think he’s ready for it. Even so, I’m open to dating

In regards to sex, what did you learn about your sexual health after your diagnosis?

My libido has decreased. I am not as interested in sex as I used to be. When I want it, is when I want it and that’s only when I want it.

Have you made lifestyle changes that seem to work for you?

I’m watching what I eat, completely eliminating certain things (like soy) from my diet, and drinking more tea. I’ve also learned to spend money on myself. Sometimes, I enjoy treating myself to lunch just for me and not for the kids.

What parts of old YOU are still a part of YOU today?

My resilience and my will to keep fighting. My heart.

What are your favorite parts about the new YOU that the old YOU didn’t have?

My ‘I don’t give a fuck’ attitude.

How do you advocate?

I advocate through social media by sharing my journey, and I also share my story in public. I use myself as a vessel to spread awareness and promote understanding.

What are three things you would tell someone who was just told that they have breast cancer?

It is not a death sentence.
Remain true to yourself.
Keep fighting no matter what.

Why do you feel it is important for us to reach out to your culture?

African Americans do not receive the same care. We are diagnosed at a higher rate than our white counterparts and are misrepresented through a lack of instruction on how to handle everything versus how they are instructed to deal with the diagnosis.

If you were to write a blog about yourself tomorrow, what would the title be?

Finding Tan

What is something that you want to tell the lawmakers/change makers?

There needs to be more women of color in clinical trials. Financial support is also crucial for those affected by breast cancer, including the creation of a budget. It’s my belief that individuals shouldn’t have to work while going through active breast cancer treatment. Also, insurance policies should be altered to provide long-term and disability pay after receiving social security.

What question would you ask someone if you were conducting the interview?

How did you feel when you were initially diagnosed? On that day, everything seemed to go wrong. My work computer wasn’t working, and then my doctor called asking me to come into the office that day and came in holding tissues. To make matters worse, I had my kids with me. I stayed in the car speaking to my best friend, talking, and crying. I cried for days.

I’ve had a horrible past, including childhood abuse from my Mom, my Dad dying when I was four, sexual assault from cousins, domestic abuse from a relationship I had in college and my kid’s father. It took me some time to realize that God never gives you more than you can handle, even though on that day, it didn’t feel that way.

How can our readers connect with you?

IG: @tan.michell3
IG: @beatbymuah – makeup
FB: @tanmichelle
FB: @beatbymuah – makeup
TikTok: @tan.michell3

Throughout our interview, I appreciated the necessary pauses she took before answering each question. She understood the impact of sharing her story and wanted to consider each response carefully. By sharing her whole heart, someone reading this piece will undoubtedly feel seen. I want to thank her for being so open and vulnerable with me during our conversation.

As you continue to curate your space – carefully choosing and rearranging your life to reflect the effects that you desire for your future – I know that it will be impactfully beautiful. When you look over the timeline of your life, I know that you will be proud of where you will be standing. I know that the Tan that you are building, the one that you are doing the hard work to repair and construct right now, that Tan will be a brighter force in the world. But let me be clear, this Tan as you are right now, is truly extraordinary! Continue to create your light, Sis!