Triple negative breast cancer survivor, Michelle Anderson-Benjamin, recounts her journey. From navigating anxiety to obstacles faced during treatment, as well as finding her power and the need for more POC in the breast cancer community. Read on to learn from this wise and wonderful woman.

Our Baddie x 2 series is an intimate moment in time grasping the interaction between two baddies as they discuss being diagnosed, survivorship, and everything that comes in between. We hope that you enjoy this series and that it sparks a dialogue amongst the breast cancer community.

Interview With Breast Cancer Survivor, Michelle Anderson-Benjamin, as told to Baddie Ambassador Keneene Lewis

I awoke on this day excited about how my afternoon would conclude. I knew it was going to be a legendary conversation. I was literally counting down the time until we would hop on the call. I was waiting for her to say, “Hey Queen” like only Michelle can do!

So, let me backtrack to when For The Breast OF Us (FTBOU) cofounder, Marissa Thomas and I went to NYC for the Breasties 2022 Moving Mountains Gala and Meetup events at the end of September.

Living Beyond Breast Cancer (LBBC) asked me to attend the various events happening that weekend in order to meet women from the community and share information about our programs, resources, webinars, and events. Marissa was hosting a NYC FTBOU meetup in Harlem and asked me to join her. Some of the Baddie Ambassadors (BAs) and Baddies from the area would get a chance to connect over great food and great conversations at the community staple, Sylvia’s Harlem Restaurant.

As our Uber dropped us off, I see this fly Sis standing there with this dope fit and fire hairstyle holding a bouquet of flowers and FTBOU materials. It was one of our newer Baddie Ambassadors, Michelle Anderson-Benjamin. Marissa introduced us while the other BAs, Miranda Gonzales and Natascha Vega, along with some NYC women of color, began to arrive for the meetup. During the event, I was engaged in great conversation with some of the Baddies from the community which prevented me from getting to know Michelle.

That Friday evening however, we arrived at the Breasties 2022 Moving Mountains Gala, to support the Breasties while connecting with other women in the local community. I was so excited when I saw Michelle walk into the space. After the Gala, the Baddies chose a Cuban restaurant to go to. It was five Baddie sisters getting a chance to just be before the night came to a close. Michelle was sitting next to me and we were able to get to know one another while eating some great Cuban food.

The following month in Houston, we were there for the FTBOU Inaugural Sneaker Ball and subsequent events occurring throughout that week. There was a Baddie Ambassador meet up, followed by a panel at Texas Southern University. I turned to see Michelle and I walked up to greet her and meet her better half, Harold. She told me that she was full of mixed emotions; happy to be there but things were brewing. I hugged her and said a prayer, asking God to cover her and her family. While at the Sneaker Ball she gave me an update and we took a beat to absorb what she had said. The rest of the evening was spent enjoying all the Baddies that were present and all the festivities. When I tell you, we danced so hard that night! I hugged her, said goodbye and to travel safely back to NYC.

I wanted to surprise this Sagittarius by sending a little something. So, I reached out to confirm her address. She asked me for mine, but I didn’t think nothing of it. A couple weeks later, I texted her to say, ”I just got a package from you. Sis, it is your birthday, and I was sending you something!” Those brownies she sent from The Little Fat Girl were bomb—check them out! That’s Michelle! She is so intentionally thoughtful, kind, and just on point.

In the sixth installment of our amazing series, Baddie x 2: Growth through Conversations, I was able to catch up with this awesome Baddie, Michelle Anderson-Benjamin.

Q&A Michelle Benjamin-Anderson

Hey sis! Thank you for your time and the willingness to share your experience. How did you hear about FTBOU?

I found FTBOU on social media (Instagram) as I was looking for organizations that looked like me. I was doing searches trying to find community. Jasmine Souers, one of the cofounders of FTBOU, had posted a Baddies Talk Back episode that captured my eyes. I made it a point to follow them and jump on every post going forward. I reached out to Jasmine via her DMs. She shared her story about how she and Marissa met via LBBC’s Young Advocate program.

How has FTBOU supported you?

FTBOU has been a sisterhood from the beginning. I was immediately embraced; I wasn’t treated as someone who was just trying to pick their brains for info. A lot of times, people can be welcoming, or they are trying to steal your thunder and ride your coattails. That wasn’t the attitude from FTBOU from the beginning. In our culture, this is rare; it helped me put my guard down.

I even let both Marissa and Jasmine know that I wanted to start my own organization. I was given the information/blueprint without hesitation or concern—that can sometimes happen in our culture. That really meant a lot to me…still does.

What is your favorite part about being a FTBOU Baddie?

My favorite part of being a Baddie Ambassador is the sisterhood and togetherness. As women, we support one another and it ain’t ever phony. The BAs have that “We come together, we are leaving together, and we got your back” mindset. It is an unspoken agreement amongst all of us.

Likeminded mindset and actually putting the actions behind it. FTBOU continues to be the face of change. At times, that can mean getting into the gutter of it all to make it happen by any means necessary. It is the rawness and the realness. There is no competition amongst us.

What is your favorite memory with FTBOU?

Favorite memory is going to Texas for the Sneaker Ball weekend. It was so hard for me to go because I was going through testing. At that time, I was having anxiety attacks, and this was right before I was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer (MBC). My fear of leaving NY, not being close to my doctors and my hospital caused anxiety. I felt so supported by all of the BAs and my husband, Harold (my ride or die). We’ve been together for 21 years.

Harold felt that he was with everyone there and not just tagging along for me. He really enjoyed the trip himself. He noticed the love amongst all of us. At the Sneaker Ball, he was sitting at the table with some women (I think friends of Marissa), and someone introduced him as “he is one of the BA’s husbands.” He even had a proud hubby moment when the I Run videos started to come up! He was like, “That is my wife right there!” He shared that the whole weekend was welcoming. He truly was welcomed by the BAs and the community.

What was your initial diagnosis?

Stage 1 triple negative breast cancer (TNBC).

When were you diagnosed and at what age?

I was diagnosed in September 2020 at 36 years old.

Did you have a recurrence?

Yes, I had a recurrence in October 2022. My recurrence diagnosis is triple negative metastatic breast cancer (TNBC MBC)

What is your current treatment plan?

Clinical trial phase 3 targeted for chemotherapy. MDL1 & MSI1 genes don’t allow for immunotherapy.

Since being diagnosed, what else have you had to process during your journey?

My dad got sick in August 2021. Unfortunately, he passed away on October 9th, 2021. I was the ultimate daddy’s girl. He was a retired police officer. He was sick throughout my entire initial treatment journey and not speaking on it. He was a primary caregiver for my uncle and that was always his reason for not being physically there for me. I knew that it was hard for my dad to see me going through treatment. My dad felt a responsibility and an obligation to my uncle. He was dealing with depression over all of this and the loss of his wife years before. He was retaining fluid in his leg due to congestive heart failure—his defibrillator was working at 70%. He was canceling appointments to care for my uncle.

I was at the hospital with my dad daily during those days and I had to get his affairs in order while he was fighting for his life. I made a Zen space in that hospital room. I wanted him to be comfortable by playing music that he enjoyed, put up LED lights, etc. I was there when he took his final breath. I honored him. As I planned the memorial, I just wanted to be true to my dad and honor him.

I made a promise to my dad that I would take care of my uncle. I am the guardianship over my uncle’s affairs and my dad’s estate.

What was the result from honoring your dad?

My dad and my grandmother inspired me to become a certified death doula. I understand the importance of that transition. If you can plan how you would like to go, funeral, etc., I encourage you to do it.

What is one thing that you wished you were told before treatment?

My doctors were very transparent about everything (importance of documenting, being knowledgeable, etc.). Unfortunately, they did not prepare me for the emotional and mental health component of cancer.

They didn’t tell me how active treatment can change your DNA makeup. Being NED, this doesn’t mean that you cannot pick up mutations. ATM & P53, I did not have them before and now I do. I wish that that they would express the importance of routine genetic testing whether you are in survivorship, thrivorship, etc.

What was your biggest self-discovery or revelation after you were diagnosed?

When I was diagnosed, I was in the position to take on a director position but had to decline because of the MBC. I love what I do but it doesn’t challenge me anymore. They pay for my medical and I don’t have to pay out of pocket, which is definitely a benefit.

I am starting to get paid speaking engagements, asked to speak on panels, traveling where I am paid, my daughter has a book––and this is just investing 20% of my time. Imagine if I put 100% in and where I can go.

What was the most difficult part of your journey and how did you overcome it?

Today is TNBC day. Some of the things that triggered me:

Yesterday, LBBC asked me to help with the chats in a webinar. The conversation in the webinar and chat, those words that were spoken by the HCP and the viewers, those words were referring to me and all of it just made me sit in a place.

Today, I kept my kids home just to love on them. The fact of it is that, while my clinical trial is going well, all of this stuff can change instantly. Because of MBC, it will always be a constant gray zone in my life. Even if NED is found, I am still on that MBC roller coaster. At times, it can become too overwhelming.

I take my fear and purposely choose to use it as a superpower. I have to be aggressive with using my superpower!

What advice would you give on how to best support a loved one going through breast cancer?

The best advice is to allow them to feel what they are dealing with and don’t think that you can fix it. Allow them to go through the roller coaster. Allow them to feel their feelings.

Sometimes support means just being in the room but being silent. At that moment, allow the moment to be about them, not you.

Did you face treatment obstacles during your breast cancer treatment process?

Treatment from people outside of my medical team. There was a situation where I had a procedure. The way things were handled was very dismissive. I was told one thing about the process, and it ended up being a different thing. I had to pull the card that I worked there to get it fixed and addressed. Because I had the access, I brought the attention to it and immediately it was changed. The department head had no idea and immediately handled it. Within an hour, someone was reprimanded out of respect for me. That situation was forever changed, for me and every person that came behind me.

During latissimus flap reconstruction, I had a situation with a nurse. She delayed responding to an emergency situation, and then was upset that I was holding her accountable. I reiterated to her that this is your job, and you are being unprofessional. She began crying and having a “fragile white woman” moment. I had to tell her this is not the time to have a Karen moment! I told her about herself, advised that I would be contacting her boss, and disconnected the call.

Did you lose your hair? How did you manage this being a black woman?

Yes. I was prepared for it. I had very long locs down my back. I cut my locs. My hairstylist closed the salon and we cut my locs. She gave me a short curly fro. Once I started treatment, I shaved it off with my husband. I was OK with it. I am comfortable with being bald.

I was not OK when my eyebrows left. That one morning I look in the mirror, they were gone. I cursed everyone out that day & took my anger out on everyone. I was not prepared. My son made a joke out of the anger and I needed it.

How do you deal with insensitive comments?

I had to deal with it and respond in a sarcastic tone.  With strangers, I pride myself on the art of reading a person with a smile.

Has your anxiety increased since being diagnosed?

I didn’t have anxiety issues like this before cancer. After cancer and around the time of the Sneaker Ball, I was having anxiety issues which led to them finding that I was MBC. I had to be medicated.

What does your mental healthcare look like?

It is a focus to prepare them as much as I can so that they are armored to advocate for themselves. My children & my husband are going through this trauma with me. The mental health and emotional health of the household is important. Cancer has residual effects on the other people within the household.

What do you have to repeatedly give yourself grace for since you were diagnosed?

That I can’t save the world. I have always been the go-to person, the fixer for everyone in my family. I have realized that not everyone is a fixer for me. They don’t always show up for me. I have always saved the day. They used to call me “Mother Theresa”.

Family members not stepping up and truly being supportive. They come up with excuses and reasons…make me feel like a hindrance and not a priority. My husband reminds me that I must learn to stop looking for people to love me like I love others.

What does it mean to be a meta-thriver?

Being a meta-thriver means living life to the fullest. We as WOC have to survive/thrive on many different levels, sometimes to the point where we can’t slip up.

How tired are you from just thriving?

What complementary therapies have you tried?

Oncology massage therapy (2x a month), sound healing therapy, meditation, and I see a therapist.

Have you made lifestyle changes that seem to work for you?

I take self-care more seriously now. I do monthly appointments and I stick to them. I make self-care for the family important.  I watch what I eat. I try to do vegan, but I indulge occasionally in my cravings. I do holistic treatments in conjunction with my active treatment: teas, drinking more water, etc.

I am slowly changing my mindset from being a perfectionist. If it doesn’t happen, it doesn’t happen. I don’t have to do everything myself. Nowadays, I am willing to pay for others to do something and I am able to enjoy the moment/experience with my family.

Tell me about your support system?

My kids are my reason. I have a tattoo of their names on my arm. There are so many times that I had to look at their names to get me through…times where I would have given up. My husband pulls me back from the ledge when I want to give up.   My cousin and I have some friends that have shown up for me so many times.

I have a good support system at work (my colleagues); they will come when I am in the hospital to sit with me on their lunch breaks, private suite on executive floor, etc. People who I have met through advocacy. They are there stepping in and connecting me to the right people.

What is something that you & your husband are intentional about within your household?

Teaching my kids to feed the homeless without grandstanding and attention; my husband does this work to be a reflection.

Never be afraid of your people…people who look like you.

What effect did breast cancer have on your marriage?

We’ve been together for 21 years. We’ve had ups and downs throughout the years. We don’t have to be in a romantic relationship to be there for one another. I love him unconditionally, and we are family no matter what! We will be there for one another for life. Our friendship is our foundation. We knew the core of our foundation throughout our relationship/marriage…Harold and I stress the importance of family, no matter what. We are preparing our kids to have a strong foundation.

He will work 100 hours at work to give me something that I want, even if it is out of our budget.

I feel that I had problems before cancer. We had problems before cancer. Cancer tends to reveal that if there were issues before cancer, they are still there. Therapy has helped me a lot.

My therapist told me, “Don’t worry about what seat people sit in their audience, just be happy that the person/people are there in the audience. Whether they are in the front row or back row, that has no reflection on you. By them continuing to show, they will move forward in the rows over time.” 

What parts of old YOU are still a part of YOU today?

Attitude, heart, empathy for others.

What are your favorite parts about new YOU that the old YOU didn’t have?

Fearless mindset, not holding back Michelle. I allow her to be free and the chips fall where they fall. Shedding method. Shedding unnecessary baggage-–I’m not holding onto things & not regretting that I have let it go.

What are three things you would tell someone who was just told that they have breast cancer?

Take the time to digest the diagnosis. Don’t be afraid to have a breakdown. Strategize how to fight this shit!

Why do you feel it is important for us to reach out to your culture?

I think it is important to reach out to WOC and African Americans because of the history of us not being seen as people in every aspect. We are always having to take the long route, even though it affects us the greatest. I think other groups play into our fear of our health disparities and history; that there is no resolution to fix it. If anything, it is OK to leave us out of the groups/resources.

We have to change the narrative for the next generation. I am going to do everything in my power to make sure this bullshit is NOT still a battle that they will have to fight.

The numbers do not lie about POC not rising within the breast cancer community. We are not given the same opportunities, not given a seat at the table, and others are using the fact that we mistrust the health care system against us. Instead of educating us on our tumors, subtypes, clinical trials, fertility options, etc. It should become standard of care discussions with all people…especially POC. We have to constantly be unapologetically fighting this war. We have to continue to educate other groups about their privilege and opening doors.

If you were to write a blog about yourself tomorrow, what would the title be?

Unapologetically Me

What was/is your theme song during your treatment?

Caught in a Rapture by Anita Baker

What question would you ask someone if you were conducting the interview?

Do you believe that being diagnosed with BC was a positive or negative change in your life? Why?

How can our readers connect with you?

IG: @fearlesswarriorprojectllc

FB: @fearlesswarriorprojectllc

Website: www.fearlesswarriorprojectllc.com

When we originally set the time to speak, I asked for just 45 mins to an hour of her time. Our conversation ended five and a half hours later, and we could have continued talking. Michelle is my sis and my music loving friend for life! There are levels to this connection that we have, and I know that it will continue to grow as we do good work!

Michelle, you are a whole force! The world just isn’t ready for all that you are about to bring. They aren’t ready for you and your husband’s goals. They aren’t ready for your children, Harold and Auset. 

Seriously, they are not ready for the ways that you and Harold are raising them. I know that you will inspire, encourage, and help your children do so much for the community and the culture. Sis, do it all! Allow Michelle to be free so she can go all the way in her bag to do big things!