As someone who relocated a year ago to my 8th state, I know how challenging it can be to find your people… your community in a new place. These days, people often become isolated, interacting mainly with family and old friends. A lot of this isolation stems from being immunocompromised by this disease. Add in the effects of COVID and its lingering presence, and people tend to stick with their familiar circles.

As the FTBOU team reached out to schedule interviews with our “In Purpose, On Purpose” scholarship recipients, I was excited to reconnect through these meaningful conversations. Ironically, during this exchange, we discovered that we had both relocated to the same city—Richmond!

In the 17th installment of our amazing series, Baddie x 2: Growth Through Conversations, I had the opportunity to catch up with the incredible Baddie, Amy Ngo.

Hey Sis! Thank you for your time and for sharing your experience with us. How did you hear about FTBOU?

I was still living in Portland, Oregon, at the time. I had a small support group for people with metastatic breast cancer (MBC). I had built great friendships there and knew I would miss them. As we were preparing to relocate to Richmond, VA, I began searching for similar support groups in the area. Someone suggested I look for groups on the East Coast, so I took to Facebook and joined MBC and general breast cancer groups for young women. I’m still working on finding my community here in Richmond. My social worker gave me some resources, but they didn’t quite meet my needs. I attended the LBBC conference, where a woman handed me a card from FTBOU’s exhibit hall. I shared my story with her, and she encouraged me to apply for the In Purpose, On Purpose Scholarship.

Tell us a little about your diagnosis.

I was diagnosed in 2022 at the age of 37 with stage IV de novo metastatic breast cancer after experiencing severe back pain during my pregnancy. The doctor initially assumed it was just normal pregnancy-related back pain, but it turned out to be bone fractures. They immediately started me on radiation therapy to help my bones heal and strengthen. I have bone metastasis and have experienced multiple fractures in my spine. I take Zometa every 3 months. The pain from my condition was unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. My pregnancy came at a later age, and I thought the back pain was simply due to that. I also take Anastrozole once a day and Kisqali every three weeks with one week off. I had an oophorectomy in October 2023, so I no longer need Zoladex hormonal therapy injections.

What is one thing you wish you were told before treatment?

When I was told that treatment would shut down my ovaries, I had no idea what menopause would be like. Within the first few months, I experienced hair loss, hot flashes, joint pain, and dryness everywhere—vaginal, skin, brittle nails, and more. It was overwhelming, and I felt depressed because I thought I wasn’t handling pregnancy as well as my friends. The pain made intimacy difficult, and after the diagnosis, I wondered when intimacy would ever be possible again. It felt like an unreachable goal.

I had to speak to a sexual health clinician because I had no desire and was in so much pain. I had no idea that cancer and treatment would age me so much—I feel at least 30 years older. Forced menopause has brought a lot more challenges than natural menopause would.

How has your mental health been impacted by MBC?

I had never been clinically depressed before, but I realized I was experiencing it. It was the hardest thing I’d ever gone through, especially just six weeks after the birth of my first and only baby. I couldn’t stop thinking that I couldn’t do anything right. I asked myself: “Why can’t anything normal happen to me?” I knew I needed antidepressants to be there for my family. I wasn’t myself, and I knew cancer couldn’t take away my happiness. I needed help.

What is one fun activity you’ve done for yourself since being diagnosed?

After two courses of radiation (six months apart), I was told that my bones would feel weaker before they got stronger. Last summer, I finally worked up the courage to ride roller coasters again—something I hadn’t done in years. I couldn’t go on anything that went upside down, but I rode two or three roller coasters at Great America.

What advice would you give on how to best support a loved one going through breast cancer?

It was hard for me to accept help from people. When I truly needed help, I would say I was fine, but I wasn’t. If you’re a loved one or friend and want to truly be there for them, just do it. Don’t ask how you can help because the person will likely say, “I’m fine.” Just show up at their door. Bring a meal, help with something, drive them to treatments—don’t take “no” for an answer.

Cancer affects the whole family. Yes, I was the one diagnosed, but that doesn’t mean my husband wasn’t deeply impacted too. Care should be offered to the spouse or caregiver as well. Ask, “How can I help both of you?” Take on some chores or help in any way you can. My husband spends so much of his energy caring for me, especially when I’m in pain. He needed help, too.

Thrivorship—what does it mean to you?

Being a thriver means putting a terminal diagnosis in a positive light. It means that I’m not dying today. I’m going to live my life despite the disease. Cancer has given me permission to reprioritize my life. When I think of thriving, I think of not letting the ugly sides of cancer take center stage. I’m choosing to enjoy life more. I take more trips, enjoy new adventures, and live my life fully—not just “normally.” Cancer has given me the gift of time. I spend it wisely, with the people who matter most.

How do you deal with insensitive comments?

I don’t think anyone is deliberately being insensitive. They just might not be educated about the disease. This makes me feel like more awareness is needed about stage IV/MBC. People say, “Amy, you’re going to beat this, just be strong!” They don’t realize that MBC is incurable. It’s in my bones and will always light up on scans. I’ll never be NED (no evidence of disease). I interpret their compliments on my strength as a lack of understanding. It’s not malicious—just uninformed.

Has your anxiety increased since being diagnosed?

I left a very stressful job as a clinical pharmacist after becoming pregnant. I didn’t want another miscarriage and wasn’t enjoying my job anymore. Since being diagnosed, I feel that my anxiety is more focused on being a mom. I worry about my daughter—what’s she doing? Is she safe? I also experience anxiety around my scans every three months, which is normal.

How do you give yourself grace since your diagnosis?

When I see FB memories from the year I was diagnosed, it takes me back to that difficult time. I was in so much pain and felt so depressed. I looked so different, and I felt like a different person. Those reminders show me how far I’ve come and how strong I am. Time has helped, and I’m proud of my progress.

What would you like the breast cancer community to do for more Women of Color with MBC?

We’re moving in the right direction, but we still have work to do. Just this year, we had a virtual support group for Asian American/Pacific Islander women with MBC at the YSC conference. It was the first of its kind, and it’s important that we continue to speak out and represent our cultures.

As WOC, we need to make sure our voices are heard for the generations to come. In our culture, health issues were traditionally kept private. I’m the first in my family to speak publicly about my health, and I know I’m not alone in feeling like I can’t discuss my diagnosis with my family. It’s important that we reach out to each other, especially for those who feel they have no one to turn to. Change starts now, and I’m here for it.

What complementary therapies have you tried?

I’ve taken a break from complementary therapies due to limited resources at VCU Massey Cancer Center. When I was in Portland, I was spoiled by having acupuncture and massage therapy available in the same building as my cancer appointments. At VCU, I have to seek out recommendations. I’m a big believer in acupuncture and massage therapy to help with side effects like neuropathy, anxiety, insomnia, and joint pain.

Tell me about your support system.

My husband, Jason, is my primary caregiver. We met, married, and had our daughter in Portland. We have no family here, so we rely on each other. After my diagnosis, we had many people step up—Jason’s coworkers offered help with babysitting, date nights, and just being there when I was too weak to care for my daughter. Strangers became part of our family, helping us during the hardest times.

My daughter, Bristol, is now 2 years old, and we’ve grown so much closer through this experience. I also have support from friends and from my virtual support group through VCU Massey Cancer Center.

What parts of the old YOU are still part of YOU today, and what are your favorite parts of the new YOU that the old YOU didn’t have?

Before becoming a mom and being diagnosed with cancer, I cared a lot about what others thought and was very focused on my career. Now, I don’t care as much. The things that used to bother me don’t bother me anymore. My priorities have shifted.

The new me is more laid-back. I don’t stress about what I wear or how I look when I leave the house. My diagnosis has given me a new perspective on what’s truly important.

If you were to write a blog about yourself tomorrow, what would the title be?

What was your theme song during your treatment?

“Unstoppable” by Sia

What is your favorite memory from your journey?

One of the reasons we moved to Richmond was because of my diagnosis. If I hadn’t been diagnosed with MBC, we wouldn’t have made this drastic change. But it turned out to be one of the best decisions we ever made. This adventure of moving across the country has been one of my favorite choices that came from my diagnosis.

What is one thing you want the world to know about you that doesn’t have anything to do with breast cancer?

I love trying new foods and exploring new restaurants. I never order the same thing twice because I love discovering new items on the menu.

What question would you ask someone you were conducting the interview with?

I would ask: “How can I help someone who is newly diagnosed with the same disease?”

Amy’s Answer: There needs to be a more structured and helpful way to present resources to newly diagnosed patients. I was overwhelmed by the amount of information I received, and I had no idea where to begin. It would be helpful to have someone dedicated to organizing this information, providing it in a manageable way. When you’re newly diagnosed, it’s hard to do the research yourself, and the resources provided are often overwhelming or outdated.

How can our readers connect with you?

Through For the Breast of Us!